Maybe if I was charged with murdering some innocents father would love me.
"Maybe if I was also charged with murder daddy would finally give me a kiss." WIN MCNAMEE / GETTY

Evacuations in Bonney Lake: Areas impacted by the Sumner Grade Fire received a level three evacuation order overnight. Level three is the "get the fuck out" of evacuation levels. There were no evacuation orders within Sumner city limits because the fire started headed east. So far, the fire has destroyed four homes, is 150-acres big, and is only 20% contained.

Think Friday thoughts: It's going to be hot and smoky today and also hot and smoky tomorrow. Hope is riding in on an onshore flow on Friday. For now, the sun remains weak and sickeningly yellow. Smoke is clogging and poisoning the air. Try to stay inside and keep your windows closed.

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There are too many fires: I mean, look at this shit:

And this: It's apocalyptic. Those poor horses :(

A fire in Greece's largest refugee camp: Around 12,000 refugees called the Moira camp on the Greek Island of Lesbos home. A fire ripped through the camp last night. Now, all those refugees are homeless.

A Yakima bridge burned down: The tressle in-between Prosser and Benton City caught fire and crumbled:

The West Seattle Bridge might be repairable: The Seattle Department of Transportation seems confident, according to the Seattle Times, that instead of demolishing and rebuilding the cracked West Seattle Bridge they can make repairs that will make it safe for 15 more years of driving. Mayor Jenny Durkan doesn't have to decide whether to repair or demolish and rebuild until October. In the meantime, workers are figuring out how to strengthen the bridge to allow around 100,000 daily car trips.

No more Capitol Hill Confederate Monument: Someone vandalized and toppled the controversial Lake View Cemetery monument back in July. It won't be replaced.

Oh...: Donald Trump Jr. is playing defense for Kyle Rittenhouse, the 17-year-old who shot and killed two protesters in Kinosha, Wisoconsin. Rittenhouse was charged with murder. Don Jr. likened Rittenhouse's alleged murders to teenage antics. "We all do stupid things at 17," Don Jr. said. Sure, at 17 I may have spent $80 on a photo-op with a c-list actor from the CW's Supernatural which many would consider "dumb" or "unnecessary" but I didn't fatally shoot anyone.

Half a million American children diagnosed with COVID-19: Child COVID-19 cases are on the rise in the U.S. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Children's Hospital Association reported a 16% increase in child cases in the last two weeks. Hmm, do we think that's correlated with kids going back to school?

AstraZeneca’s vaccine trial comes to a halt: The pharmaceutical company halted its global COVID-19 vaccine trials because one participant in a trial had "a serious and unexpected adverse reaction," the New York Times reports.

British cases surge: And officials are limiting gathering sizes back down to six people. Around 3,000 cases were reported in Britain on both Sunday and Monday. Tuesday had around 2,500 cases. Those are the highest numbers Britain's seen since May.

What goes around comes around? "Ukrainian church leader who blamed COVID-19 on gay marriage tests positive for virus"

Tim Eyman is accused of hijacking the Recall Durkan campaign: Eyman, the car-tab tax troll, would-be office chair liberator, and failed gubernatorial candidate, is allegedly telling people he started the Recall Durkan campaign. He didn't. Eyman is trying to collect signatures from residents and distributing fraudulent signature sheets. However, the Recall Durkan campaign hasn't begun collecting signatures yet. The campaign is still tied up in a legal case in the Supreme Court. Leaders from the actual campaign sent Eyman a cease and desist letter.

Trick or treating is officially cancelled in Los Angeles County: Because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Give this guy some advice:

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The guy who started the Witness Protection Program is dead: Or maybe that's just what he wants us to think. No, but really, Gerald Shur, 86, is dead.

12-year-old boy suspended for five days for playing with toy gun in virtual class: A Colorado boy who is Black was playing with his neon green "Zombie Hunter" gun during virtual school—so, you know, at home—and his teacher decided to call the cops to do a "welfare check." The school didn't notify the boy's parents until police were already on the way. The boy was suspended for five days for “bringing a facsimile of a firearm to school.

A crossword for your Wednesday: Get the ol' noodle working this morning.

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