He caught the bug.
"It is what it is." CHIP SOMODEVILLA/GETTY

Well, if true, that's certainly one hell of an October surprise.

With 33 days left until the election, on Thursday night the President claimed that he and Melania tested positive for COVID-19. "We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!" he scream-Tweeted, adopting the tone my mother uses when she demands we sit down and eat dinner without arguing LIKE A FAMILY.

Earlier in the day the New York Times reported that the Trumps quarantined after learning Hope Hicks, the president's advisor, tested positive for the virus. Hicks "traveled with Mr. Trump to the presidential debate in Ohio on Tuesday and accompanied him aboard Air Force One to Minnesota for a campaign rally on Wednesday night," according to the Times. So, uh, heads up Minnesota.

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It's worth noting Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden shared a freaking stage together for at least 1.5 hours two days ago, though they appeared to stand at a distance from one another on camera. Turns out he should have worn the mask he taunted Biden with during the debate.

At 74-years-old, Trump is five times more likely to be hospitalized for COVID-19 and 220 times more likely to die from the virus than someone aged between 18 and 29, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Again, if true, Trump would join Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson among the cast of world leaders who caught the bug during a pandemic they actively exacerbated. Since late winter, over 200,000 Americans have died with COVID-19, and public health officials count over 7 million cases.

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This trumpkin is scary enough. Please vote.
Then score some dank herb from Ruckus to help with the stress.