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Lol remember when everyone got one of these
Lol remember when everyone got one of these Michael Vi/Getty Images

Donald Trump is still unwell: The dumbest man on Earth spent the weekend in a hospital suite that looks like a set from Murder She Wrote. At one point he got in a car to wave at supporters, potentially infecting several Secret Service agents. He also recorded a video that appears to have a cough edited out, or maybe he just burped really weird in the middle of a sentence. And then his handlers staged a photo shoot where he was supposed to look like he was “working,” but zooming in on his papers reveals that he was just doodling with a Sharpie.

Twitter suddenly remembered they have a rule against wishing for someone’s death: Sure would be been nice if they cared about all the threats that marginalized people get all the time. Ava DuVernay called them out:

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Get to know the world-renowned whiskey distillery in your own backyard.

The Supreme Court is thinking about overturning marriage equality: Not to be all told-you-so, but told you so. It’s the first day of the new Supreme Court season and Thomas and Alito have written a jaw-droppingly mean, even for them, dissent about how we can have religious freedom or we can let the queers marry but we can’t have both.

By choosing to privilege a novel constitutional right over the religious liberty interests explicitly protected in the First Amendment, and by doing so undemocratically, the Court has created a problem that only it can fix. Until then, Obergefell will continue to have “ruinous consequences for religious liberty.”

It’s ok to have uncivil words for your oppressors: Since you’re not allowed to wish for Trump’s death, let’s instead reflect on the wise words of those who celebrated the death of Margaret Thatcher, such as this Scottish woman, whose comments on the occasion of Thatcher’s death are deeply relatable:

“I’ll put a stake through her heart and garlic around her neck to make sure she doesn’t come back.”

Press secretary Kayleigh McEnany tested positive for COVID-19: McEnany's COVID-19 diagnoses raises the count to 18 members of the Trump administration or recent White House event attendees who have been infected, according to the Boston Herald.

Local murder hornets are about to enter “slaughter phase”: Oh good! Deadly invasive hornets are approaching the time of year when they’re expected to decimate the local bee population, and along with it west coast agriculture. Scientists are in a race against time to locate and destroy what they believe is a nest somewhere north of Seattle.

Republicans are vulnerable: New polls show that Congressional seats currently held by Republicans could flip to Democrats in next month’s election. That includes Lindsey Graham’s seat in South Carolina, particularly after a brutal debate this weekend in which his opponent Jaime Harrison brought his own plexiglass shield.

The Trump administration wasted nearly half a billion dollars on celebrity coronavirus videos: In a story that is both too terrible to believe and also too terrible not to be true, the department of Health and Human Services set aside $300 million for a video campaign that was supposed to feature top-tier celebrities praising Trump’s handling of the pandemic; instead, they only managed to record videos with Dennis Quaid and two singers you’ve never heard of. You owe it to yourself to read this account of just how disastrous the whole project has been — after all, you paid for it.

YouTube is still restricting LGBTQ+ videos: The least shocking news of the day is that YouTube has put an age gate on a video about coming out as trans and nonbinary. Related: National Coming Out Day is next weekend.

Amazon is donating $2.5 million to local families: The money will go to Puget Sound families to help with food, shelter, clothes, and access to education. That’s nice, but maybe the company could also pay taxes.

Home package deliveries could be a thing of the past: The University of Washington and U.S. Department of Energy are studying whether delivery lockers might be a more viable alternative to home delivery of packages, and they’ve set up a pilot program in Belltown. The idea behind the study is that it’s energy-inefficient for delivery people to drive around town, delivering individual packages to individual addresses. By having one central dropoff spot, delivery drivers only have to make one trip. But then … wait … don’t the recipients then have to make a trip to pick them up from the locker? How is this better???

The gays are at it again: I don’t know whose idea this is, but Twitter gays are flooding the #proudboys hashtag with images of men kissing. Not sure why so many people want to stake a claim on a hashtag so closely associated with racist violence, or why the actual Proud Boys would care, or how this is supposed to help anyone in any way, but ok, cool.

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Superman II is really quite awful: This isn’t breaking news or anything, but I just watched the 1980 film Superman II, and woof, what a stinker. There’s this bizarre languid slowness through the whole film, like it was directed through a tank of molasses; every scene is shot through telephoto lenses like the director was afraid of the actors; and everyone is dubbed like in the Japanese Power Rangers footage. Poor Terence Stamp. The space twink isn’t bad, though.

This trumpkin is scary enough. Please vote.
Then score some dank herb from Ruckus to help with the stress.