This year, celebrate Spring Break by running back into the ocean to live as a hermit crab.
This year, celebrate Spring Break by running back into the ocean to live as a hermit crab. Johnnyhetfield / Getty Images

COVID cases are up in Seattle. It seems as though SOME people have decided to give up on social distancing a little early. Great work, dipshits, cases are up 18% from two weeks ago, particularly among people in their 20s and 30s. Cool, great job, thanks for infecting us right before we can get vaccinated.

LagunitasSeattle is here for ya with beer for ya!
Ballard-brewed beers and tasty bites for all palates under our heated tent. C'mon down!

Phase 3 starts today in Washington. Among the changes: Indoor activities are allowed to double attendance; sports events can go forward; alcohol can be served an hour later; and you’re allowed to gather with more strangers inside and outside. But should you do any of those things? Please read the bulletin directly above this one.

Spring Break in Miami is going about as healthily as you might expect. Crowds are packing the bars, restaurants, and the streets, wreaking havoc despite feeble attempts from law enforcement to make everyone disperse. A curfew is in effect from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m., which is to say, a curfew will be ignored from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m.

The Supreme Court will hear a major labor case today. Cedar Point Nursery vs Hassad considers whether labor organizers should be allowed access to workplaces, even if employers object to their presence. (Well of course employers will object to their presence.) This case could have much deeper ramifications, though — the court could impose far more sweeping restrictions on the government’s ability to enter workplaces to ensure compliance with laws.

There was a rally to stop Asian hate this weekend. Despite the wet weather, hundreds came out to support the Asian community this weekend in Bellevue, Edmonds, and at Hing Hay Park. Last week, a church in North Seattle was tagged with racist graffiti. Rep. Judy Chu of California has called for a national day to speak out against AAPI hate on March 26.

Donald Trump says he’s unveiling his new social media network soon. Lolllll sure, Jan. Donald might be able to break America’s already-broken political system; but far smarter, richer, and better-connected people than him have tried to grift their way past Twitter and Facebook only to go down in defeat. His people say that the platform will be ready in “two or three months,” which means there’s about a 80% chance that they’ll be saying exactly the same thing two or three months from now. Aaaaaany minute now.

U.S. officials are in Afghanistan today. Defense Secretary Lloyd J. Austin III made a surprise visit to Kabul (well, it was a surprise to the public, as officials probably knew it was going to happen). He’s likely there to help prepare for the withdrawal of U.S. troops on May 1. We’ve been sending military forces to Afghanistan since 2001.

Seattle rallies for Amazon unions. Results are due soon in a massive unionization vote in Alabama. While we wait, Seattle labor organizers — in particular the Seattle DSA — are organizing rallies in support of Amazon workers seeking better conditions. Meanwhile, workers at other locations around the country are thinking about following in Alabama’s footsteps.

Don’t drink Real Water. The FDA has warned consumers that a brand of alkaline water called “Real Water” should be avoided after several children were hospitalized with liver failure — “non-viral hepatitis,” the FDA says. The water is marketed as being infused with “negative ions” that can help with everything from depression to infertility, and now, apparently, it can relieve you of the burden of having a functioning liver.

Bird prodded. A state trooper located an injured bald eagle near the West Seattle Freeway this weekend, and brought it to PAWS in Lynnwood for treatment. Please check your household to see if any of your bald eagles are missing.

A former IRS commissioner has a scheme to catch wealthy tax cheats. Charles Rossotti, former Chairman of the IRS, has a simple solution for catching the rich people who can afford to find clever ways to dodge the taxes that the rest of us pay: Require banks to report income to the government. Of course, rich people will never allow the politicians they own to approve such a plan, but it’s nice to dream, isn’t it?

Loop hero is the best game. I’ve become OBSESSED with this game that’s sort of fantasy Sim City, but also kind of a deck-builder, but also kind of an autoplaying roguelike, but also kind of Monopoly with monsters. Here’s an article about how its makers sold it.

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A poop-testing company turned out to be bullshit. It was called uBiome, and they claimed to be able to tell you about your gut ecology if you mailed them a sample of … you know. Alas, the tests weren’t as scientifically sound as they seemed, but the company’s real sin was seeking medically unnecessary reimbursement from insurance companies. Sure, defraud patients all you like, but don’t dare try to pull one over on insurers.

No, you do not need to watch the Snyder cut. But you DO need to watch Leslie Jones recapping the movie on twitter. The movie basically boils down to four hours of really nice comic book covers, and a lot of men who don’t want to talk about how they feel about dads. Also I’d like to think we as a species have progressed beyond the need for movies in 4x3.

Seattle Erotic Art Festival Presents: Auction Beltane! Join us May 1st for a sexy, delicious evening.
Tickets $15-$250. Aphrodesia delivery menu, incredible auction items, live streamed performances.