Yup, thats an arm all right
"Yup, that's an arm all right" Prostock-Studio / Getty Images

You’ll be eligible for a vaccine next week. But you probably still won’t be able to get one, unless you’re really good at scoring concert tickets the moment they go on sale. Vaccine finders are likely to be overwhelmed when eligibility for everyone 16+ opens on April 15, and officials are urging patience. We’ll probably have more than enough to go around sometime around late May. (Sidenote: Are we going to see an underground vaccine-appointment reselling market appear once millions are suddenly jostling for a slot?)

You’ll be shocked to learn that the Trump campaign pulled some sneaky tricks on donors. You know how whenever you sign up for an adult entertainment website, you have to keep your eyes peeled for automatically-checked boxes that will sign you up for a bunch of other adult entertainment sites? And how if you don’t study the terms of service with the fastidiousness of a Supreme Court clerk you’ll almost definitely wind up with mystery charges on your credit card that you had no idea you were agreeing to? Well, apparently the Trump campaign used similar tactics in order to part many of their supporters from their money. Let that be a lesson to you: Whether signing up for Cocky Boys or donating to a Republican, always use a prepaid card with a minimum viable balance.

A toxic waste dump in Florida is failing, and close to flooding homes. Do you want to get Street Sharks? Because that’s how you get Street Sharks. Several million gallons per day are leaking from a wastewater pond containing radioactive materials; the state is pumping the polluted water into Tampa Bay in the hopes of reducing pressure on failing walls. Hundreds of homes have been evacuated in case the reservoir fails and floods nearby neighborhoods.

If Biden won’t decriminalize weed, Democrats might just do it without him. Chuck Schumer, whose home state decriminalized weed last week, says that at some point the federal government is going to have to end its prohibition. He doesn’t have a timeline but he says he’s introducing something “soon.”

A Microsoft study finds that bosses like work-from-home, underlings not so much. An internal study finds that about half of work-related messages are sent outside of work hours, which is gross. Leave people alone when they’re not at work! Among managers, 61% say they’re thriving, but only 38% of subordinates say they’re doing well. One attempted solution — and this is the most Microsoft thing I’ve ever heard — was creating a “virtual commute” at the start and end of the work day. Oh my God, just give Americans time off like people have in other countries.

It’s not looking good for DMX. Rolling Stone gathered various (semi-conflicting) reports of a heart attack following a drug overdose, and a “vegetative state.” His lawyer’s already talking about him in the past tense. Among his big hits are "X Gon' Give It To Ya":

A mystery is afoot! Brendan Kiley has a nice writeup about the distant-past history of Cal Anderson Park (long before Cal Anderson was alive), but there’s a curious gap in our knowledge: Why did one of the former owners of the land get hauled away to an asylum? Clerks are currently searching the files for answers.

Amazon is planning another massive tower in Bellevue. After a few years in Seattle, the company’s heading back across the water to the town where it was founded. Construction on one new Amazon tower is already underway, and they just unveiled plans for a second. Bellevue will be reachable by light rail starting in 2023.

Everybody’s hunting monsters. Sales of the new Monster Hunter Rise game have been gangbusters, coming close to the numbers put up by last year's hit, Animal Crossing — and that’s also translated into a big boost for sales of Switch consoles. (Sidenote, this is why I think it’s unlikely that Nintendo will unveil a Switch Pro this year — why would they when people are still buying the basic model?) I count myself among those sales numbers — I got a copy of the game and a console of my own so I can go on monster-hunting dates with my partner on Twitch:

An original copy of Super Mario Bros. just sold for more than half a million bucks. I have never seen a clearer example of a writer who needs to hit a word count than this NY Times article that devotes multiple paragraphs to explaining the premise of Super Mario Bros., which we are informed “features two brothers, Mario and Luigi, who live in the Mushroom Kingdom and are charged with rescuing Princess Toadstool, who has been kidnapped by Bowser, the king of the Koopa.”

A large fire in West Seattle caused a half million dollars in damage. A rooftop deck caught fire somehow, but firefighters were able to prevent it from spreading to the rest of the building — a pretty remarkable feat, especially since the nearest water connection had melted from the flames. Residents of the building were instructed to shelter in place, which I have to say would be a DIFFICULT order for me to obey. No word on the cause yet.

Seattle wants TV shows. King County just unveiled a new soundstage on Harbor Island, hoping to lure Hollywood productions back to town. (If you exclude special episodes of Frasier, the last TV series shot here was Northern Exposure, good grief.) This is all very nice, but I’d like to know how a production is supposed to get their crew to Harbor Island, which is located between normal-Seattle and West Seattle, with all the disruption of the bridge being closed.

I hope you had a good Easter. And I hope your career choices age better than this one:

Here is a picture of Vincent Price that I like very much. He was family, you know.