See what they did there
See what they did there 400tmax / Getty Imaghes

Nobody wants to leave the party on the playfield. Night settles sometime around 10 p.m. and still the revelers are laughing, lounging, licking ice cream, and squealing at the sight of rats around the trash cans on Bobby Morris Playfield at the crest of Capitol Hill in this crisp crackling heat. This was a beautiful bright weekend that nobody wanted to end, but don’t worry, the heatwave will stretch out over the next week and into the following Saturday and Sunday, so you can pick up your picnic where you left off. See you out on the polyester turf.

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This warm weather could kill us. Sorry to put a damper on things but a quarter of the US is in an “exceptional drought” and water’s getting harder and harder to come by every year. Been nice knowing you all.

What did you do for Juneteenth? This was the first celebration since the day became a federal holiday, and about a thousand people turned out to march in the CD. But it wasn’t all party: Organizers noted that Seattle still suffers from the repercussions of decades of racist housing policy, and called for the city to spend federal stimulus money on housing equity.

Can you help catch Necia McKendrick-Mendez’s killer? The artist, whose paintings have long been seen all around Capitol Hill, was found in Interlaken Park, her art scattered around her body. Police have no leads, they say, and are asking anyone with information to come forward.

Someone’s house is going to catch on fire. Last night I could hear the pop-pop-crackle of fireworks going off around Capitol Hill, and my mind turned to the house fire that wrecked a building in West Seattle last year, touched off by a firework that ignited some dry shrubbery. In case you haven’t noticed it’s been a bit toasty lately, and there’s more kindling next to our homes every day. Happy Fourth.

Will you die on I-5? For the last month, someone’s been throwing debris off of bridges onto I-5, with the latest incident early Friday morning — a big thing of rebar hit a car, breaking the windshield and injuring the eyes and face of the driver. What a nightmare. Freeways are rivers of death.

Speaking of which … Cops may have caught the person who stole a Seattle cop’s car after another driver killed her in a crash on I-5. The whole situation is horrible; according to police, the suspect was driving a stolen truck and caused a small pile-up; Officer Lexi Harris stopped to help; and then another driver hit her. In the mayhem, the guy who caused the crash took her personal vehicle and fled. Awful awful awful awful.

One more story about cars: There was a terrible, stupid tragedy in Florida this weekend, when the driver of a truck in a Pride parade lost control and plowed into a group of marchers, killing one of them. At first, observers thought it was intentional, a rumor that was exacerbated by Fort Lauderdale Mayor Dean Trantalis calling it “a terrorist attack.” But no, turns out it was just a regular run-of-the-mill vehicular homicide, the kind of act that any one of us could commit any time we get behind the wheel of a car. I don’t know what a giant highway-ready truck is doing in a Pride parade that couldn’t be accomplished by a dinky little golf cart.

See you in Pittsburgh. Which one of you wrote to MarketWatch to ask where you should buy a house? An anonymous letter-writer notes that only the super-rich can afford homes here, and asked for help picking a new place to live. If you like everything about the Seattle lifestyle except how this city treats the non-wealthy, you might want to look at Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Buffalo, Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis-St. Paul. I've been browsing Pittsburgh Pride videos and I gotta say it kind of looks great???

I wonder where Ted Cruz will try to escape to this time. The summer heat is absolutely killing Texas right now, and some energy companies have come up with a clever solution to the drain on their electrical grid: They’ve been sneaking into customers’ smart thermostats and remotely turning off their air conditioners. I guess it’s technically not hacking, because the customers gave the power company permission to do this (unwittingly, in the fine print of their agreements). But if someone showed up at your door and said “I’m here to change your thermostat” you probably wouldn’t let them in.

This is exactly the kind of stupid mischief Loki would love. An artist selling a shirt with the words “Low Key” got their design kicked off of Redbubble because it contained "subject matter: Loki." You know, a Norse god who has appeared in myths dating back to at least the 13th century. So ... probably in the public domain at this point, right?

How long could Jeff Bezos live in space? A petition entitled “Do not allow Jeff Bezos to return to Earth” currently has 33,000 signatures. I’d be willing to consider an alternative proposition: While he’s up there, pass a bill creating a $200 billion “coming back from space” tax.

Here comes the end of OnlyFans. It was fun while it lasted, but anonymous sources claim that OnlyFans is going after new investors. If that’s true, it almost certainly means a pivot away from porn, which as a discipline is vulnerable to crackdowns from politicians seeking to score easy points by turning sluts into scapegoats. I would not be surprised if one year from now, OnlyFans looks something like Cameo (that is, targeted to celebs and influencers) but with subscriptions.

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The My Pillow guy lost $7 million trying to sell COVID-19 masks. Trump clearly only associates with the best and brightest minds in the world of business, and that includes a dolt who couldn’t sell masks during the worst pandemic in a hundred years.

Nobody wants Ron Johnson here. Or anywhere, for that matter. For some reason, a Wisconsin politician who tried to block Juneteenth becoming a national holiday thought it would be a good idea to show up to a celebration to talk to the media. Please enjoy this video of the community telling him what they think of him.