Could someone please cancel-culture the sun?
Could someone please cancel-culture the sun? Joseph Iapaolo / EyeEm / Getty Images

Brrr, it’s freezing. Hope you’re enjoying this, the coldest summer of the rest of your life! Seattle had only ever recorded 5 days over 100 degrees, and two of them were this weekend. And though it may feel hot now, just wait until 2022. See you all in Hell!

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Here is the cheapest way to stay cool. Forget the DIY swamp coolers — they do not work, unless you’re trying to make your home even more humid. Instead, get a bunch of cheap sponges at the dollar store, soak them in water, put each one in a plastic bag, and then stick them in the freezer for an hour. Ta da, now you have a bunch of cheap reusable ice packs.

Amazingly, there have been relatively few power outages. Seattle City Light seems to be doing a relatively good job of keeping the lights (and, perhaps more importantly, the air conditioning) on. You can track outages on this page here, though if your power is out and you’re working off of battery power you probably shouldn’t be wasting it by looking at websites.

During extreme weather events, please remember to check on your local Asswolf. A group of furries has been gathering recently in Cal Anderson park, some of them in full fursuits! Good grief, everyone, you are making me so worried. Please hydrate and stay safe, you are too cute to get heatstroke.

Big bathroom win. The Supreme Court has decided not to get involved in the Gavin Grimm case — that's the lawsuit that's been going for what feels like FOREVER (since 2015, really) over whether schools can restrict which bathrooms trans students use. The SCOTUS ruling means that a lower court's decision stands: Schools may not restrict trans students' access to bathrooms.

The pope is poop. It’s been a weird few days for anyone trying to follow the Vatican’s position on LGBTQ+ equality. First, church leaders confirmed that they tried to block protections for queer people in Italy. But then they revealed a note from Pope Francis that commended a priest known for being kind to queers. Yaas girl give us nothing.

Plenty of bullshit to go around here. Trump’s Attorney General Bill Barr seems to be trying to repair his reputation, with a redemption tour painting himself as putting up some sort of principled resistance to Trump’s worst impulses. Regarding Donald’s conspiracy theories, Barr now says, “we realized from the beginning it was just bullshit.” Sure, Jan. In case your memory only goes back six months, here’s a partial list of some of the worst things Bill Barr did while in office.

The wilderness couldn’t claim Andrew Devers. A happy ending to last week’s missing-hiker story: This weekend a trail-runner came upon the missing man, who apparently survived on berries and river water since he disappeared 8 days ago. Nice try, nature ghosts, but you’re going to have to do better than that if you want to gobble humans up.

The Washington Department of Transportation is making climate change worse. Today WSDOT will open a new $41 million megabridge over I-5, doubling the traffic-jam capacity of the previous bridge, putting more cars on the road, generating more carbon emissions, and causing more weather like this. Thanks, it sucks!

Someone was shot on I-5. This sounds like the start of an Agatha Christie story, but police claim that when they investigated a disabled vehicle on the I-5 onramp by Michigan Street, they found a dead body inside. That’s … weird.

The final boss of the universe has appeared. The Chandra X-Ray observatory has photographed a giant gas cloud that looks like a giant hand. If this hand, which is about 17,000 light years away, decides to attack, scientists recommend using Kirby’s down B move to do damage and then remain in rock mode to tank through the hand’s finger-gun attacks.

In politics, either you're in or you're out. And Trump’s out. Donald held a rally for the first time in a while this Saturday, and his fans were not impressed. According to QAnon wackos, Trump is now the one thing they cannot stand: Boring.

A new WandaVision mystery??? Something has changed in the final post-credit scene of WandaVision — the landscape is slightly different, and there’s a distortion that looks suspiciously like Dr. Strange. Personally, I think there’s an 80% chance this is nothing, just a slight VFX change that they didn’t have time to finish in time for the initial release; and there’s a 20% chance that this is a BRILLIANT move by Marvel to play with the timeline-altering shenanigans of the current Loki series.

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On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? Well, would you?