Available for $69.99.
Available for $69.99. Estes model

The tweet that broke today's internet: Or, at least, ruined our breakfasts.

THE MYSTERY OF IRMA VEP – A Penny Dreadful, playing Feb. 8-26 at Intiman Theatre
Laugh till it hurts at this outrageous camp comedy the NYTimes calls “Wickedly funny!”

More than 60 Afghans were killed along with thirteen US servicemembers today and scores more were injured in a terrorist bombing at the Kabul airport in Afghanistan, where thousands are still desperately trying to escape the country. The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for the attack. President Biden gave a national address saying that the murderers will be held responsible ("we will hunt you down and make you pay" is the quote) and vowed to complete the evacuation of American citizens and others from Afghanistan. Here's a transcript.

In a statement, Secretary of State Blinken called the bombings “a devastating reminder of the dangerous conditions in which our servicemembers and diplomats are operating as we conclude the United States’ 20-year military mission in Afghanistan.”

And so ends the deadliest day for US military in Afghanistan since 2011: Not since a Taliban compound in the Tangi Valley shot down 38 people in 2011 has the US military lost so many servicemembers in a single day. And yet, the 60 Afghans who died today are a fraction of the 71,000 Afghan and Pakistani civilians estimated to have died because of the war. Brown University estimates around 241,000 people have been killed in the Afghanistan and Pakistan war zone since 2001.

More graves: One model predicts the US will see nearly 100,000 more deaths from COVID-19 between now and December 1, with other models predicting similar numbers. “We cannot stop delta in its tracks, but we can change our behavior overnight," said the director of the University of Texas COVID-19 Modeling Consortium. But can we really?

Back at it, baby! It's not quite an encore performance of last year's soul-sucking rally, but the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is already racking up high numbers: "More than 100 coronavirus infections have been linked to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, an annual event that drew hundreds of thousands of enthusiasts to South Dakota as the virus’s ferocious delta variant spread misery nationwide," reports the Washington Post. Last year, virus trackers connected around 649 cases to the rally and at least one death.

This morning, Matt showcased an innovative candy corn dildo: This evening, we'll showcase this mini dildo-shaped rocket—available for $69! Nice.

Toot toot! Loving the lime.

Good library news: On January 2, 2020, the Seattle Public Library announced no more late fines, thanks to voters who passed the 2019 Library Levy. The library's new 2020 Impact Report found that by eliminating overdue fines, the library could restore 51,000 accounts. Fuck library fines! Free the accounts!

"I think there’s an absolute risk of a mass exodus from the city," said Shaun Van Eyk, a union representative with one of the city's largest unions, PROTEC17, to Crosscut's David Kroman. Why? Employees who won't obey the city's vaccine mandate. It comes after Gov. Jay Inslee announced state employees and health care workers need to get vaccinated no later than October 18. King County and Seattle quickly implemented similar mandates. A couple of union leaders as well as demon spawn Mike Solan, president of the Seattle Police Officers Guild, think the city's mandate will cause the city to bleed employees, especially vaccine-resistant cops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Also to the surprise of NO ONE: Cops down in Portland have been very resistant to changes put forth by the Department of Justice. However in the latest settlement hearing, the city says they are eager to remedy the cops' non-compliant behavior—though community activists are rightly skeptical. Portland Mercury's Isabella Garcia has a piece that breaks it down.

Staying in Oregon for a second: Now, in most cases, Oregon state is refusing to pay out unemployment benefits for those who get fired for not getting vaxxed up.

Tonight's clickhole: We recommend you fall down the Black Film Archive, a "living register of Black films" made from 1915 to 1979 that are all currently streaming. Its founder, Maya S. Cade, announced the archive today, writing: "The website will be updated monthly with the latest Black films from 1915 to 1979 streaming and continue evolving beyond its launchpad. I sincerely have big, never-ending plans for what this archive can become. To learn more about the site click here for FAQs."