Remember Mimi from her face reveal party?
Remember Mimi from her face reveal party? Courtesy of Mimi
A bit of housekeeping: You may have noticed a change in my byline. I've been going by Jas and my pronouns are they/them. I don't care if you think non-binary people are spiders or the singular use of "they" is dumb. I'm just letting you know so that when you insult my intelligence in the comment section, you can do so properly. Don't make this weird!

Pacific Northwest Ballet’s The Nutcracker is Back Onstage at McCaw Hall! Tickets start at $27.
Join PNB for a timeless tale of holiday adventure performed by PNB’s amazing dancers and orchestra.

There's a pie thief on the loose: According to MyBallard, pie-robbers broke into A la Mode Pies in Ballard last weekend. After hurling a rock through the shop's front window, one dude made off with the tip jar early Sunday morning. An hour later, another thief nabbed the cash register and a whole pie. "At least he's a fan of A la Mode Pies," owner Chris Porter told the neighborhood blog. I cackled.

Pierce County sheriff charged with two misdemeanors by the Attorney General's office: Sheriff Ed Troyer is looking down "one count of false reporting and one count of making a false or misleading statement to a civil servant," thanks to AG Bob Ferguson's office, reports the Seattle Times. If you'll remember, earlier this year Troyer—who is white—falsely claimed that newspaper carrier Sedrick Altheimer—who is Black—"blocked his driveway and threatened to kill him." An ol' case of white man crying wolf.

Someone needs to incorporate an aerial saw into a horror movie: Because this shit is sick.

Vaccine buffets potentially coming our way: Ok not actually a buffet, but it's looking likely that the Food and Drug Administration will allow people to mix 'n' match their vaccines when getting their booster shot, reports the New York Times. The mix 'n' match's formal name is "heterologous prime-boost" which, in some studies, results in the body creating a "broader, more potent response than multiple doses of a single vaccine."

I'm getting sweaty looking at these City Attorney poll numbers: The Northwest Progressive Institute (NPI) took the city's temperature on Trumpy Republican Ann Davison vs. abolitionist Nicole Thomas-Kennedy race, and the results aren't looking too hot for NTK. In a poll, 43% of likely 2021 voters went with Davison while 24% were in NTK's lane, with 30% still undecided. That's a pretty big number of undecided voters, but the NPI observed that this race is "looking like it could be an increasingly lopsided runoff." If you need convincing, read our endorsements for why NTK is the best choice for city attorney.

An Israeli diver found a 900-year old sword on the bottom of the Mediterranean: The weapon—now covered n barnacles and other "marine organisms"—possibly belonged to a Crusader knight and is likely made of iron, reports CBS. Maybe this is just me, but perhaps that sword belonged in the sea? Maybe this diver unlocked a centuries-old curse that will come to plague all of humanity. Just saying!

Brazilian congressional panel will recommend "mass homicide charges" against President Jair Bolsonaro over his handling of the coronavirus pandemic, reports the New York Times. Though the paper says it's not a guarantee that the recommendation will lead to any actual charges, the panel's report "reflects the depths of anger against a leader who refused to take the pandemic seriously."

The Foo Fighters and Death Cab for Cutie are christening the Climate Pledge Arena tonight: The inaugural concert is a "private benefit concert" with some of the proceeds going to Real Rent Duwamish and Northwest Immigrants Rights Project. The honor of officially grand-opening the corporate-run arena goes to Coldplay, who are playing the venue this Friday, reports MyNorthwest. The Kraken will touch down on Saturday.

Heads up: For the freaks that are for some reason drinking the water at Green Lake:

Alejandro Mayorkas, department of homeland security, has COVID: He is fully vaccinated and only experiencing "mild congestion," reports Politico. No other "principal officials," including the president, were found to have been in close contact with Mayorkas.

Thinking about flirty Bill Gates makes my skin crawl: Back in 2008, Microsoft executives told Bill to chill it the fuck out with sending "flirtatious" messages to a female employee, reports KING 5. They backed down once Gates told them he would stop. According to the Wall Street Journal, at the time, Gates "didn't deny the exchanges" though now he's "calling the claims false."

Oop: Nebraska's Rep. Jeff Fortenberry (NE) has been indicted, reports CNN. A federal grand jury has charged him "with concealing information and making false statements to federal authorities who were investigating illegal contributions made by a foreign national to the congressman's 2016 re-election campaign."

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Speaking of: The House select committee on the January 6 Capitol attack has unanimously voted to hold former Trump aide Steven Bannon in contempt of court, reports CNN. Bannon has "refused to comply with a subpoena" to speak before the committee. Committee chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson says this vote brings him "no joy" (really? REALLY?), but they "won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” This now goes to the House for a full vote and if it passes, it would then go to the Department of Justice.

Meghan McCain: Is upset.

For your listening pleasure: Seattle's favorite pop star/menace Michete has released a new song and music video, and it's making people hard. Drenched in vivid colors, "Hard" follows Mimi and friends under a bridge, into a back alley, and up against a bathroom stall in yet another horny outing from her forthcoming project. Seattle performers Kylie Mooncakes, Stasia Coup, and Angel Baby Kill Kill Kill grace the video with cameos. Stephen Anunson, Kyle Bain, and Miss Shitty herself direct. It's embedded down below: