Sorry, kids, we can only afford green man tearing his clothes this year.
Sorry, kids, we can only afford "green man tearing his clothes" this year. Getty Images

Ho ho ho!
Ten years ago,
Hulk wrote us poem
Though we barely know him
Here it is
'Tis
The season
Don't be sneezin'
Or havin' a sore throat
— Editor's note

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Hulk usually sad and lonely on Christmas! This year? Not so much! Hulk feel pretty jolly. So Hulk write Christmas poem. Hope puny human enjoy.

Am night before Christmas, and in Avengers Mansion
Not creature am stirring, not even Ant-Man... son.
Hulk ripped purple stocking glued to chimney with care,
In hope puny Santa leave Hulk new stocking there.

Avengers am nestled all snug in them bed,
While visions of dead Skrulls dance in them head.
When out on lawn there am such a clatter,
Hulk smash through wall to see what the matter.

When what to Hulk green eyes should appear?
Big helicopter, 20 soldiers, and general brigadier!
Him puffing big cigar, him strutting like boss,
Hulk knew in moment it General "Thunderbolt" Ross.

Ross am fat and am mean—not jolly old elf,
And Hulk rage when Hulk see him, in spite of Hulk self.
Ross say not a word, but go straight to work,
Firing missile at Hulk (him really big jerk).

HULK MAD! HULK SAD! HULK WANT TO SMASH!
So Hulk murder puny humans quick as a flash.
But Hulk hear Ross exclaim, as Hulk leap out of sight,
"I hunt and kill you, Hulk! If it take all Christmas night!"

So Hulk sit and cry, on top of lonely mountain tip,
No presents, no joy, no friends, no zip.
When suddenly purple sock land on Hulk head...
It from Santa! Christmas saved! Hulk no want to be dead!

And then with a wink, laying finger on red nose,
Santa whisper, "Be a good Hulk," and into sky he rose.
As sleigh fly away, almost gone from Hulk sight,
Santa say, "Merry Christmas, Hulk... and to all that Hulk fight."