If you can talk to plants, please tell them that its no longer springtime in Seattle.
If you can talk to plants, please tell them that it's no longer springtime in Seattle. Charles Mudede

Some salt trucks, some ice, some very low temperatures. The February freeze is for sure finally here. KIRO 7 reports that "any tender plants or vegetation that has begun to emerge in the recent calm weather will" learn a bitter lesson this morning, which those peering into the meteorological orbuculum believe will not be "the coldest morning of this spell." You can expect this week to be fricking cold, but don't expect snow to fall in generous amounts.

King County and its partners are opening shelters this week because our country is too rich to house all of its citizens. A list of these shelters can be found here.

It would not be the Pacific Northwest if it didn't have "lake monsters," the subject of "the latest episode of Mysterious Creatures." The show airs this weekend.

But are the Pacific Northwest's lake monsters a match for California's Hank the Tank? Nothing but death itself can stop this 500-pound bear from getting into your Cali house and looking for what you plan to eat or what's left of what you just ate. He, like that famous NYC rat, loves pizza. God bless the animal kingdom for keeping even the most fabricated parts of human culture real.

Today is 2's day: Get it? 2's day.

Some good news for Mayor Bruce Harrell. Weyerhaeuser "plans to reopen its Pioneer Square headquarters building the week of April 18." Not too long ago, the timber corporation threatened to stay away from its beautiful, tree-reflecting building if it did not see "significant and sustained improvements in neighborhood safety." Apparently, Seattle has passed this test. Puget Sound Business Journal has this story.

When a car hits a pedestrian who happens not to be the Incredible Hulk, it's hardly a "collision." That word only hides the great difference between a normal flesh, blood, and bones person and a machine made of industrial-grade materials.

Whose face got shot? That of a 48-year-old man on a corner much of the city sees as nothing but a portal to all that is in and makes up hell, 3rd Avenue and Pine Street.

The social black hole the disgraced financier Bernie Madoff formed during the crash of 2008 has, it seems, sucked in his sister and her husband. A few days ago, the former, 87, killed herself after killing the latter, 90, in a Bayton Beach house. Madoff died in prison last year.

"War in the east, war in the west, war up north, war down south, war, war." That Bob Marley tune is in my head these days, and I think you know why.

This reporter is not a human. He is from another galaxy, like that alien in the brilliant short story “Pkhentz” by the Soviet-era writer Andrei Sinyavsky.

The key passage of the story: "What pleasure it gave me to throw off my clothes, remove my wig, tear off my genuine India-rubber ears, and unbuckle the straps which constrict my back and chest. My body opened out like a potted palm brought home from the shop in wrapping paper. All the limbs which had grown numb in the course of the day came to tingling life." After reporting in all of those languages, the reporter returns home and unfurls in a bathtub like that creature in "Pkhentz." Trust me, he is not a human.

What's Cardi B's position on the Ukraine crisis? She is not taking sides in public. Her words on Twitter: “I'm really not on NATO’s side. I'm really not [on] Russia’s side. I'm actually in the citizens’ side, because at the end of the day, the world is having a crisis right now.”

Former hardcore rapper Ice-T is now all grown. No more of this childish "cop killer" stuff. He needs to get paid. He even plays a cop. He is now on your cereal box.

Because it's my fav Weekend tune. Because R&B reaches a state of perfection when it's not trying to move your body but move your blues.