Apply this same energy to canceling student debt please and thank you.
Apply this same energy to canceling student debt please and thank you. JOSHUA LOTT/GETTY IMAGES

Biden the Coward extends student loan pause through August 31: This is the third time the Biden administration has pushed back the payment restart date, which was set to expire May 1 this time around. Why he doesn't just straight up cancel all federal student loans is beyond me—I mean, has he seen the price of literally everything right now? And by moving the date to September, it's sure to become an even bigger topic ahead of midterms in November. Debt isn't real! Fuck student loans 'til I die!

Speaking of the cost of living: According to a recent report from a real estate finance tool called Stessa, the Seattle-Tacoma-Bellevue metro area has the sixth highest rent in the nation. Gag. The median cost for a studio is $1,603, for a one-bedroom it is $1,682, and a two-bedroom is $2,005. As someone who's looking for a new place to live in the city, things are looking grim af.

Humans are made up of water, fat, connective tissue, bone, muscle, and, um, microplastics: For the first time in recorded history, scientists have found microplastics—pieces of plastic no longer than 5mm—"deep in the lungs" of living, breathing, human beings, reports The Guardian. The pollutant is found in nearly every crevice of the planet, from human blood to Mt. Everest. According to researchers, the most common particles discovered in the lungs were polypropylene (commonly used in plastic packaging and pipes) and PET (from bottles). Health effects are not yet fully known, but this is definitely Not Good.

Some weirdo in a plum-colored PT Cruiser stole an ancient mammoth tusk from a Seattle art gallery in downtown: For some reason KOMO's transcription of the Seattle Police Department report did not name the gallery—it's Fossil & Stone—but the theft is apparently the second shoplifting incident in two weeks. Being in possession of a stolen mammoth tusk sounds like a curse, idk.

Wanna help replace derogatory names at 18 Washington sites? As mentioned in Slog AMs previous, the Interior Department is setting out to rename dozens of places in the United States with the word "squaw," a racist and sexist term for Native and Indigenous women. The federal government is doing outreach to local tribes about the process. In Washington there are 18 spots up for renaming, and each have six options for residents to choose from. You've got until April 25 to comment on your favorites.

Concrete is flowing at the West Seattle Bridge: Yesterday morning, the still on-strike concrete drivers were back at work on the nearly repaired bridge, reports KING 5. The Seattle Department of Transportation is apparently "encouraged" by the continuation of work on the bridge, but can't quite say when the repairs will be finished because of the delay (before the strike, the reopening date was set in mid-2022).

Meanwhile, in Bothell: My Bothell-lovin' colleague Matt Baume will no doubt be pleased by Daniel Beekman's juicy piece in the Seattle Times on the city up north banning cars from their Main Street downtown to make it more pedestrian friendly. It's a sick concept that every city should emulate, but...ever tried living in Bothell? Outside of that main stretch, navigating anywhere without a car is a nightmare—just like most other suburbs. My family lives up there and I feel TRAPPED whenever I visit, lol.

Mariners season-opener delayed: Due to inclement weather in Minneapolis, the Minnesota Twins have postponed their four-game series against the Seattle team from Thursday to Friday.

Avian flu rocks the bird world: So far, nearly 23 million chickens and turkeys across the United States have been killed to limit the spread of the contagious and deadly illness, reports AP. In an effort to protect certain endangered populations, U.S. zookeepers are moving their birds indoors to limit their contact with sick wild birds. Keep the penguins safe!

Jesus: A man had to be transported to the hospital earlier this morning after jumping from a second-story window to escape the flames that engulfed his Rainier Beach apartment, reports KOMO. No other injuries have been reported and the cause of the fire has not yet been determined.

And in Russo-Ukrainian War news: The United States announced more sanctions against Russian elites and institutions, targeting specifically Putin’s adult daughters and Sberbank, reports Reuters. Americans are also banned from investing in Russia. Margo Vansynghel over at Crosscut profiled Seattle-based Ukrainian artist Anastasia Babenko’s new show at Das Schaufenster in Ballard. 10 high-rise buildings in Sievierodonetsk, Luhansk are on fire following Russian shelling. And get ready for food prices to go up.

In a surprise to literally no one: Seattle is terrible at picking up after its poopy little dogs, or they're nearly the best at complaining about it on Twitter, at least. Protect My Paws conducted a national analysis of tweets per 100,000 people and found that Seattle ranked 2nd in the nation for dog poop complaints per capita. I don't care how cute your four-legged pup is, Seattle — scoop that shit up. It's bad for you, and it's bad for your dog.

Disappointed in the size of your Whopper? You're not alone. According to CBS, "Four Burger King customers are suing the chain over its marketing, claiming that the company makes the burger look about 35% bigger in its advertising than it is in reality."

For your listening pleasure: Channel Tres's "Acid in My Blood."