I will absolutely come to a Seattle Kraken game if it means seeing Marshawn on a zamboni. What more could I ask for?
I will absolutely come to a Seattle Kraken game if it means seeing Marshawn on a zamboni. What more could I ask for? Caean Couto/Seattle Kraken

What do you think Macklemore and Marshawn Lynch talked about during this photo shoot? Today, the Seattle Kraken announced that the Seattle rapper and former Seahawk are two new minority investors in the team and in Climate Pledge Arena, reports the Seattle Times. The Kraken were mum about how much money M^2 put into the team, but the Times notes that "minority stakeholder shares typically have been for $5 million." Whatever, just keep giving me more Marshawn-zamboni content:

A federal judge struck down the CDC's travel mask mandate extension on planes and public transit: And, yes, this federal judge is in Florida. Do you even have to ask? Trump appointee Kathryn Kimball Mizelle axed the mandate "on several grounds, including ruling that the agency had exceeded its legal authority under the Public Health Services Act of 1944," reports the New York Times. The Justice Department has not yet commented on whether or not they will appeal the ruling. Alaska Airlines and Horizon Air have just declared that they, too, will drop their mask mandates. King County Metro announced it will keep its mask mandate in place, as will Washington State Ferries. A spokesperson for Sound Transit said the agency "will maintain its decals and other mask-related signage until we have received further updates from the federal government," but it won't enforce the mandate. The agency will also need "a little time" to stop playing recordings of that robot person reminding people to wear masks.

Rounding out this doofus parade: The very necessary, always sensible, never maddening Transportation Security Administration announced it will stop enforcing mask-wearing in airports. These are the people in charge of our safety.

Gird yourselves, graffiti artists and stickerers: Today, avowed graffiti critic Mayor Bruce Harrell announced his One Seattle Day of Service, a citywide volunteer event with "over 2,200 volunteer opportunities across more than 80 different activities throughout all seven City Council Districts," according to a press release from the mayor's office. The event will last from 9 am-5 pm on May 21, focusing on "helping neighbors in need," "gardening and restoration," as well as "cleaning and beautification"—like removing graffiti from the city's streets. The mayor himself even took to painting a wall this ugly shade of brown, providing what my colleague Chase Burns flagged as an excellent meme opportunity:

Meanwhile, in Florida: The state's education department rejected 54 math textbooks for K-12 instruction, saying that they rejected 28 books because they "incorporate prohibited topics or unsolicited strategies, including [critical race theory]." What, is the Pythagorean theorem a little too woke, a little too analytical for these fucks? More from Politico:

Democrats are pressing the [Florida Gov. Ron] DeSantis administration to provide examples of what the state labeled as “references to critical race theory” embedded in math texts proposed for Florida’s 2.8 million public school students.

Education officials claim the publishers ignored the state’s guidelines and attempted to slip 'rebranded instructional materials' and other 'divisive concepts' or 'unsolicited strategies of indoctrination' into the books. To that end, 28 proposed math textbooks — or 21 percent — were left off the adoption list due to 'prohibited topics,' including critical race theory.

This is hell.

Curious about why both the 7-Elevens on Capitol Hill are closed? CHS Blawg has at least one answer. The 7-Eleven on 15th and Denny is "undergoing a thorough overhaul with permits for new refrigeration and cold case work underway." The reason why the 7-Eleven on E Madison shut down is still a mystery.

An update on the Seattle arts writing landscape: Beloved Seattle Times arts critic Moira Macdonald is taking a leave of absence to work on a fiction project for the next few months, with plans to return sometime in the early fall. Her insightful takes on film, literature, and fashion will be sorely missed. Reporter Scott Greenstone is hopping over from the Times' Project Homeless team to fill in for Macdonald. His first piece up now is on Robert Eggers's hotly anticipated (by me) Viking epic, The Northman, a film he writes "is fettered to the ground by the demands of the studio gods." Delicious.

Finally: Container ship Ever Forward—owned by Evergreen Marine Corporation, the same dudes who owned the infamous Ever Given—has finally been freed from the Chesapeake Bay after getting stuck for over month.

Ukraine update: Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy says that "Russian troops have begun the battle for Donbas," the start of its new full-scale offensive to wrest away control of eastern Ukraine, reports AP. José Andrés's World Central Kitchen in Kharkiv has been blasted to smithereens, but luckily no one was killed. Mariupol is making its last stand against Russian forces, with an "unknown number of defenders" set up inside an iron and steel plant as reports come out that 40,000 Mariupol residents have been forcibly deported to Russia. Four Russian missile strikes in Lviv have left at least seven people dead and 11 injured. And photos and videos of a Russian cruiser, Moskva, "show that it was probably struck by anti-ship missiles and then abandoned before the ship sank in the Black Sea."

Kendrick's new album is out on May 13: His DAMN. followup goes by the name of Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers.

Wondering what the legalized psilocybin therapy program in Oregon is going to look like? Our sister paper, Portland Mercury, has an excellent article demystifying some of the costs, expectations, and the timeline of the groundbreaking legislation, which will kick off on Jan 2, 2023. A heads up—if you're an Oregonian interested in a psilocybin session, expect to fork over some serious cash.

Wish I had the ability to teleport: So I could go see this new exhibition of Jean-Michel Basquiat's unseen work in New York, put together by his sisters.

The best mural in the city: This weekend, Seattle painter Nikita Ares doused this six foot bust of Nicolas Cage in bright colors for a promo event for his new movie The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, out on April 22. The sculpture lived at Occidental Square Park this weekend, but now it's stationed over at Regal Meridian downtown. For people with real Cage Rage, you can actually win this bust by entering a sweepstakes. Ares made it priceless.

For your listening pleasure: Erika de Casier's "Good Time." I cannot get this song out of my head.