Twitter is about to be this guy's.
This guy is about to be Twitter's daddy. Getty Pool

Elon Musk will be our new Twitter overlord: Today, the richest man in the world announced a deal to buy Twitter for around $44 billion, reports the New York Times and everyone. “Free speech is the bedrock of a functioning democracy, and Twitter is the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated,” Musk said in a statement, in case you had any worries that Trump might come back on the platform. Twitter was kind of fun while it lasted. I'm now accepting bets on how long Musk will take to segregate Black Twitter away from everyone else. Meanwhile, my timeline is FULL of takes:

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In other prominent-men-whose-name-starts-with-the-letter-"E" news: French President Emmanuel Macron won reelection against far-right candidate Marine Le Pen. Now, don't go clapping too hard. Even though Macron beat Le Pen by nearly 20%, the extremist right has grown considerably in the country, with more than 40% of the electorate believing Le Pen to be lucid enough to hold office. And according to CBS, there were protests across the country against both candidates. Dark times.

What a sweet way to celebrate World Penguin Day: Woodland Park Zoo announced the recent births of three Humboldt penguins today. The three tuxedo'd flightless bird babies were born to three different sets of monogamous parents at the zoo. You can expect to peep these lil' bubs sometime in the summer after they've learned to swim "in a less crowded and more controlled environment."

And what a sad day for the Seattle bagel scene: Popular bagel pop-up Mt. Bagel announced in an Instagram post that operations would cease next month as owner Roan Hartzog will be moving out of state. "I’ve had so much fun building this bakery and I have so much gratitude for everyone of you who has bought and enjoyed our bagels over the last few years," Hartzog wrote. May 20 will be the last Mt. Bagel bake before the shop reopens elsewhere.

In an interview with KUOW's Angela King: Climatologist Nick Bond said that the well-over-100-degree weather we saw last year in June was probably a one-and-done kinda deal. "It's important to realize that it was a freak event," he said. "The chances of something like that, something so severe happening again this summer are very small." Let's hope Bond is right on that one! And now, a forecast for this week:

Donnie Trump is held in contempt of court and fined $10,000 a day: After he failed to hand over documents to the New York state attorney general, who is investigating his shady-ass business practices. He'll probably pay the fine for at least a little while just to prove he can.

Never doubt Lea Michele's status as an ally: She showed noted homo Jonathan Groff her vagina "using a desk lamp to give him an illustrative lesson and satisfy his curiosity in the female anatomy as a gay man with no practical knowledge of its particulars," as Entertainment Weekly put it.

UW School of Medicine made its own COVID-19 vaccine: Right now, it's unsexily called GPB510, but it's "effective at low doses, safe, simple to make on a large scale and stable without deep freezing." Along with SK bioscience, the two are seeking authorization in South Korea, with the country buying 10 million doses. What IS sexy is that UW will license the tech "royalty-free throughout the pandemic." Pfizer and Moderna better step their pussies up.

COVID cases are up in King County: The county has moved from "low" to "medium" COVID levels, and my colleague Hannah Krieg has more. And while hospitalizations and deaths are at low levels and have not risen, America will pass the one COVID million death mark extremely soon. Incomprehensible.

About that shooting on Capitol Hill: On 10th and John this Saturday, a 58-year-old man fired a gun from the balcony of his apartment building around 5:45 pm. There were no injuries, but it took authorities around four hours to extract the suspect from the building after clearing some of the units. CHS Blog reports that police booked the suspect into King County Jail "for investigation of malicious mischief" which sounds like some Harry Potter-level offense.

Your daily report from Hell: Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis just signed a bill creating a police unit that is specifically focused on the extremely rare issue of election fraud, reports CNN. The bill creates an Office of Election Crimes and Security within the state's Department of State, which literally sounds like its job is to do election crimes. "I don't think there is any other place in the country where you should have more confidence that your vote counts than in the state of Florida," the schmuck said at a press conference today.

A New Deal-inspired arts program takes flight in Seattle: Instituted by Office of Arts and Culture, Hope Corps "promises to pay roughly a hundred local arts works 'living wages' to organized projects that bring the community together," reports Margo Vansynghel at Crosscut. The $2 million program is funded by a $500,000 grant from the National Endowment for the Arts' American Rescue Plan as well as $1.5 million from Seattle's new JumpStart Seattle payroll tax.

Marijuana no more: ICYMI, the Washington state Legislature recently passed a bill to replace every appearance of the word "marijuana" in state law with "cannabis." Washington state Rep. Melanie Morgan, who sponsored the legislation, called the term "marijuana" "pejorative and racist," which shot up in use in order to negatively associate the plant with Mexican immigrants. Inslee signed the law back in March and it will go into effect in June. "Weed" is my preferred term anyway.

And in more weed news: That SAFE Banking Act just got some more vocal fans.


For your listening pleasure: Devendra Banhart's "Taking a Page."

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