Get well soon, king.
Get well soon, king. Lester Black

Governor Jay Inslee and Lt. Gov. Denny Heck test positive for COVID-19: I wanted to make a joke about those govern together getting COVID together, but The Seattle Times reports that the state's #1 and #2 leaders had not been cavorting together "in recent days." Otherwise, they're both doing fine (within reason) for now, they're both getting that Paxlovid, and they both encourage everyone to get vaccinated and boosted. It's saving their lives right now.

I wonder if they got the new omicron subvariant? We're calling it BA. 2.12.1, and it's spreading so fast it "made up about 58% of all new U.S. cases" by the end of last week, according to the New York Times. Though it's faster than the others, as of right now there's no evidence that it's more deadly. I wonder how many SARS infections our bodies can withstand over a short period of time without major longterm damage? One a year? Two a year? Six a year?

Despite the uptick in COVID cases, the Department of Health does not anticipate implementing a statewide mask mandate. However, Washington State Secretary of Health Dr. Umair Shah said the department "still recommends wearing a mask in indoor spaces, confined spaces and shared areas with poor ventilation," KIRO reports. And so does this person.

Amazon tosses big money at its CEO, dismisses worker demands: Andy Jassy, noted wingman, will get more than $200 million to run the e-commerce giant. Meanwhile, the board denied "15 proposals asking the company to report on worker safety, climate goals, pay rates, use of its face recognition technology and its stance on workers’ right to unionize," according to the Seattle Times. Classic.

An update on the latest elementary school massacre: Here's what we know so far about the victims.

As for the killer, shortly after his 18th birthday (and thanks to Texas Republicans) the shooter legally purchased two semiautomatic rifles and 375 rounds of ammunition. The 18-year-old gunman then killed his grandmother and made statements online before the massacre about his future intentions.

He was reportedly inside the school for roughly an hour before cops shot and killed him. During a press conference in which Texas Gov. Greg Abbot and fellow Republicans tried to dodge their responsibility for the massacre, candidate Beto O'Rourke interrupted the announcement to say to the governor, “The time to stop the next shooting is right now, and you are doing nothing.”

Oh look, a potential wannabe copycat:

California Senate passes an interesting law: Now this is the kind of litigious shit I can get behind:

It's the second anniversary of George Floyd's murder: Demonstrators across the country will be marking the occasion, including a vigil at Cal Anderson Park.

In "Tarnished Celebrity" news: Former reality TV star Josh Duggar—the creepy dad in 19 Kids and Countinghas been (surprise!) found guilty and sentenced to 12.5 years in prison for receiving child pornography.

Let's bookend the morning and evening news roundups with ol' Gambino: