Technically, I'm on a diet, but you don't get an offer like this every day: On April 29th, as part of the International District Spring Roll, I'm going to be taking part in a spring roll eating contest. For two minutes, I'll be eating as many vegetarian spring rolls as I can fit in my gaping maw. You'll see why I couldn't pass this up when you read the list of contestants:
Paid for by Committee to Reelect Judge North, P.O. Box 27113, Seattle, WA 98165
Spring Rolls provided by Phnom Penh
Play-by-Play Announcer — Geologic, Blue Scholars
Paul Constant, The Stranger Books Editor
Dow Constantine, King County Councilmember
Toby Crittenden, Communications Outreach Director, Washington Bus
Angela Garbes, Editor of Where Seattle and International Examiner board member
Brock Huard, Former Husky and Seahawk
Dino Rossi, 2008 GOP Gubernatorial Nominee
James Sun, Former Contestant on "The Apprentice"
That's right. It doesn't matter how much he prepares, Dino Rossi's not getting a recount this time, bitches.
I got the release form today, and it's kind of hitting home how serious this contest is:
• Contestants may not eat spring rolls until the starting signal or after the ending signal.
• Only entirely eaten spring rolls will be counted.
• Contestants will be given a liter of water to drink during the contest.
• Contestants may eat either standing or sitting in designated area.
• Contestant is disqualified if vomits, regurgitates, or displays visible signs of sickness.
• A judge will assure adherence to contest rules, tally spring rolls eaten, and announce winner.
• Winner will be determined by counting the number of spring rolls eaten.
• In the event of a tie, additional 2-minute “eat-offs” will take place until a winner is selected.
and, most dauntingly:
• Although spring rolls are delicious, I am aware that as a result of the contest I may become uncomfortably full and suffer from health-related consequences such as heartburn, indigestion, dry-mouth, etc.
• SCIDpda is not responsible for personal injury, illness, or loss of life
The things I do for Washington state Democrats.