Typically when you do a live news program you spend the rest of the night, week, month slapping your forehead and thinking, "I should've said..." or, "I wish I didn't say..."

But I thought I did a pretty good on Larry King Live tonight. I made a few points I thought needed making, slipped one joke in, and I got to say a few things about teenagers that you're usually not allowed to say on the teevee. (They should masturbate together, they have a right to be sexual.) But the second I walked into the house the boyfriend said, "Christ, you were the gay Maggie Gallagher..." Apparently I came off as a bit too aggro, a bit too angry, a little too sharp. "That woman you were on with was trying to agree with you!" Um... was she? I may have missed that because I was had braced myself for the usual shouting-heads routine. Then the boyfriend went in for the kill:

"And how come you didn't bring up abortion?"

That's when I started slapping my head. We were having a conversation about whether abstinence was a "foolproof" way of preventing teen pregnancy—and it works in theory, just not practice—and I didn't think to bring up a safe and legal and absolutely "foolproof" way of ending (a) teen pregnancy. I also didn't bring up Plan B, the "morning after pill," and the plight of gay kids trapped in abstinence-only/heterosex-only sex "education" classes. No doubt I'll have a list of 30,000 things I neglected to bring up by morning. Dammit.

So, like, regrets, man, I've got a few.... just as I'm sure poor Perez does. When Maggie Gallagher was wiping the floor with him earlier in the program—"Poor, oppressed Miss California! Why can't the gays leave her alone and let her oppress you people in peace!"—Perez needed to stop talking about Miss California's contract with the pageant. Miss California's dirty pictures aren't the issue. The issue is hypocrisy—Miss California's hypocrisy and Maggie Gallagher's hypocrisy. Miss CA claims she's against same-sex marriage—she's joined Maggie's campaign against it—because gay marriage isn't "biblically correct" and she was brought up to be a "good Christian girl." Since when is parading around in a swimsuit on the TV "biblically correct"? Since when do "good, Christian girls" pose for wank shots? You can't point to the bible when you want to oppress the homos and then shrug and say, "I'm a Christian model!" when you're caught violating biblical admonitions about female modesty.