The government isn't going to cover abortion—or allow you to buy a plan that covers abortion—but it is going to pay for... prayer?

Leaders of the Church of Christ, Scientist, are pushing a proposal that would help patients pay someone like Lewis for prayer by having insurers reimburse the $20 to $40 cost.

Support The Stranger

The provision was stripped from the bill the House passed this month, and church leaders are trying to get it inserted into the Senate version. And the church has powerful allies there, including Sens. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.), who represents the state where the church is based, and Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah), who said the provision would "ensure that health-care reform law does not discriminate against any religion."

Faith healing. Deficit hawk Orrin Hatch and John Fucking Kerry (!) want health insurers to pay people to pray. Because not paying people to pray somehow amounts to religious discrimination? Jesus Christ, it's time to start a new religion that has just two sacraments: abortion and homosexual sodomy. It might be the only way to protect choice and secure gay rights in this lunatic asylum we call a country.