SL Letter of the Day: Qualms


Have him rub one of in the bathroom 15min beforehand. Done and Done.
QUALM: He's very sensitive. Some would say that's a plus.
My therapist is $150 for 45 minutes. You could easy get $250 an hour Dan. You should add that to next years Strangecrombie! I'd bet you'd make some cash.

As for QUALM - I had the same problems (but without the coming) with my first girlfriend. Then I admitted I was a fag. Coming out solves everything (just ask my therapist).
Lady, your question was skipped because it's boring and cliched (you couldn't be bothered to google "premature ejaculation"?) and you're clearly an obnoxious person ("Sigh."). I feel sorry that your virgin boyfriend has to deal with a partner like you for his first time.
She's "a little hurt"...? Does she expect you to personally reply to every last person who writes looking for advice? And four months in, doesn't she have some idea of how she feels about the guy?

@3 There's already something like that at Strangercrombie. And it's going for much more than $250.
Get away from the idea that sex is just sticking the dick in and wiggling it around. Teach the boy how to eat you out and tell him he cant touch himself until you cum all over his face.
Get away from the idea that sex is just sticking the dick in and wiggling it around. Teach the boy how to eat you out and tell him he cant touch himself until you cum all over his face.
Gloria #4 got it right. This woman is obnoxious, controlling and self centered. No wonder the poor guy is scared to penetrate her! He's the one who should be running away.
So many women are never honest with me, this is why so many straight guys think that all they need to do is stick it in and shoot a load and all is well. Women, grow some balls and be honest, tell me when they are shitty lovers. Sure, a vast majority of straight guys have pussy egos, but so what? They go through life thinking their dick is the end all of everything. Every man needs at least one strong woman to take him aside and lay down the law, it's not all about your dick.
Oh, and the vast majority of of straight women need something of the same too, someone needs to tell them that their pussy is not magic. Jesus, someone sit all straight people down and explain that sex is more than dicks in pussies.
QUALM, you're a het female so let's look at this the other way. If a girl is a virgin and has tried to have sex a couple times and it "doesn't work" for a multitude of reasons pertaining to her nervousness/inexperience - what do you recommend? Do you think that girl should keep doing the same shit, or should she try different experiences to relax that tight vaginal canal and make her mind and body feel comfortable?

Now do that for your boyfriend.
He's gay...possibly.
She says this is her first serious relationship. I wonder how many sexual experiences she's had otherwise. I'm going to guess not much, or at least not anything good/with anyone experienced. Her impatience with the boyfriend and laughable naivete thinking that Dan doesn't get swamped with letters bely her youth.
My strong impression is that QUALM and the boyfriend are completely inexperienced teenagers.

Take a deep breath, honey, and calm down.

If you seriously don't dig this guy, then don't have sex with him. Move on. You are not going to be able to "fix" him, particularly if you aren't really interested in the first place.

But if you DO like him, and are simply stressed out because the sex is not working out yet, then that can be rectified. It just sounds like typical clumsy first-timers angst to me. And if you are both stressing out over it, that will only make it worse. Dan's advice is great. Start with other things, and slowly work your way back to intercourse. Take the stress and the pressure off.
Well said, Dan and Reverse Polarity.
sorry...he's just not that into you.
@15: Ha!!

like @ all.

I think a lot of people are being too harsh on QUALM (Gloria, your comment was both rude and unhelpful). True, she's clearly young and frustrated that the sex isn't working out, but her post was honest, and it seems that she didn't want to hurt the guy. QUALM, please don't listen to these criticizing responses. Everyone goes through tough sexual experiences, and I think everything will work out. Do not get discouraged!
@13 is right on. This kid is probably not gay, he's just nervous and overexcited. Give it some time and do some non dick-in-pussy sex stuff until both are relaxed enough for it.

In my opinion, dumping this guy just because of this would be pretty brutal. I mean, she can do whatever she wants, but what's he gonna take home from the experience if she dumps him because of the sex problems? Certainly not the opinion that women are kind and patient. The boy's young, teachable, it would be a shame to fuck it up this early.

Just sayin...
Get him a little drunk first. Takes the edge off. But make sure the condom is on correctly!
Dan, you are partly right. But in my experience, although not even close to the same, the women I've been close to and I have learned each other. That is to say that the sex didn't always start out fantastic. In fact sometimes it was miserable at first. But practice makes perfect! If you spend the time to learn about each other, learn how to make bad sex into good, it gets fantastic. That doesn't mean the relationship was going to work, but I'd definitely say that with a little more patience, it might work out or at the very least, the camp site would be in better shape than it was left.
seconding @4, does this girl even read the column? if she did she'd probably already know what to do.
I don't know how to solve your sticky situation. Pun intended. I just know I'm really glad I'm gay.
In my experience, and that of my friends, sex is always kind of awkward and comedic at first. It takes a good sense of humor, and a willingness to experiment, to figure out how to make it hot. And de-prioritizing vaginal intercourse is definitely a good thing. But, of course, you have to really care about the person to be willing to put that effort in.
He's not gay, he's asexual. Leave him alone and find a sexual guy.
Really, 24? Asexual? He's blowing his load before penetration! That's excitment and nerves and stress, etc!

QUALM, it is definately time to take penetration off the table. Start with some mutual masterbation, perhaps... a little show and tell of what does and doesn't feel good for both of you...

Also, some guys can orgasm again quite soon... so having one isn't necessarily a reason to stop playing.

Now, read Dan's archives and look at some sex for couples books... get yourself educated!
@17: If she didn't put so much attitude into her letter, I wouldn't have done the same with my comment. Here's a sample version of a letter that omits as much cluelessness as possible:

"Dear Dan,

"I sent this question last week. I'm guessing you're a busy person, but this is a serious problem for me and I'd appreciate it if you could offer me some help.

"I'm a straight woman in my first serious relationship. My boyfriend is a virgin and has problems being excited long enough; he comes early, can't get hard, etc. We've tried to have sex many times, but now I'm losing interest because of this. Is there anything we can do to make him stay hard longer? Is there anything I can do to help him? Thanks.


Yeah. No sighing, no "I'm so hurt you didn't answer my super important, special question." Even acknowledging that someone else has feelings besides mine, and that maybe he's a human being, instead of a pleasure-bot. Oh, and saying thank you.

Was that so hard?