On Fox News this weekend anchor/asshole Brit Hume suggested that Tiger Woods, a Buddhist (who knew? who cared?), needs to convert to Christianity to salvage his personal and professional life. Some folks thought Hume was claiming that a Christian wouldn't cheat on his wife and in response rattled off the names of all the nominal-to-good Republican Christians who've cheated on their wives: Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani, et al. But Hume meant something else entirely: it's not that Christians don't cheat, it's that Christians are forgiven...

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"He is said to be a Buddhist," Hume stated. "I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger would, "Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

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Woods should become a Christian, Hume argues, not because Jesus is Lord or Christianity is the one true faith or because Christianity is the way, the truth, and the light. No, Woods should become a Christian because Christianity offers the best deal for adulterous husbands—you know, all that forgiveness and redemption and stuff that you can't get anywhere else. A Christian man can cheat on his wife with scores of tight-faced tramps and all he has to do is make a full confession and—presto!—he's forgiven! It's all good! And once Woods has squared things with the right God—or the Right's God—folks aren't allowed to question his actions or his character or his judgment because that would amount to an attack on his faith. The incentive to become or remain a Christian, according to Hume, is this: you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want—lie, cheat, steal, fuck around—and set a great example for the world by making a dog-and-pony show of your remorse.

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Remember when it came out that anti-gay, anti-choice family values crusader Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) had been visiting prostitutes? The senator liked being put in diapers, according to the prostitutes who diapered him (and nicknamed him "Vitter the Shitter"). Vitter had this to say at his press conference: "Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God." End. Of. Discussion. Vitter refused to take questions about his illegal acts because, you know, God had already forgiven him so who were we—we reporters, we constituents, we the people whose private lives Vitter wants to micromanage—to raise questions about his conduct after Jesus had wiped his slate (and his bottom) clean?

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