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A little bird told me that I'm being criticized in the comments on Dom's COFFEE VAGINAS post (yes, yes: coffee vulvas, pedants)—criticized yet again—for once having compared a woman's genitals to a canned a ham dropped from a great height. Three points:

1. What's the difference between pussy and canned ham? I will eat ham. (Preferably not canned, but canned'll do, pig.) I will put ham my mouth. I like how ham tastes and smells. This comparison, back when I first made it, represented real progress for me, real personal growth. Squeamish, gynophobic gay men have been known to compare female genitalia to much worse things. Give me some credit here.

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2. I made this comparison... seventeen years ago. It was so long ago that the original "canned ham" column doesn't even appear in the Stranger's archives. Move on, people.

3. Now we know what it takes to knock me out of the top "Most Commented" slot on Slog: ham and lots of it.

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