I am basically farting in your face right now.
  • "I am basically farting in your face right now."
It's such a tease, you know? Every day at 3:35 pm my phone buzzes and I'm all, "OOOOH! Is a handsome nobleman calling to make me his childbride?" and then—once again, every time—it's just a bunch of poop.

But once a week or so, I'm reminded why I could never say goodbye:

Black market cigarettes made of poo?

Black market cigarettes might come cheaper than those sold over the counter, but smokers hooked on their contraband habit might want to consider this: They're probably smoking poo.

The National Coalition Against Contraband Tobacco says illegal cigarettes are not just sold illegally, but are manufactured that way, too. Many of these underground processing areas are set up in tool sheds and garages, where spider's eggs, animal and even human feces can mix with the finished product.

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I could never say goodbye because POOP IS HILARIOUS. Add spider eggs to the equation and I'm yours for life.

(Full article is here.)