I am a closeted bisexual female college junior. I also happen to be in love with my roommate and best friend, another girl. Normally I'm able to keep my emotions and attraction in check. I don't sneak glances at her when she's changing or naked after coming back from the shower. But sometimes I get into sticky situations. She will ask me to do things, like rub Icy Hot on her bare back or help her pick out underwear, things she would never ask a guy who was attracted to her to do. She asks me to do these things because I'm her closest friend and she trusts me, but I feel like I'm betraying that trust by living with her and being in these situations when I have such strong feelings for her. So am I betraying her? If so, what do I do? Do I move out? We've been living together for almost two years, and it may seem strange if I just up and move suddenly. Do I reveal my sexuality and feelings to her and hope for the best? I'm certain she would be supportive of my coming out, but I'm afraid of her reaction and its effect on our friendship if I admit my feelings for her.

This Girl Is Fearful

My response after the jump...

You say you're worried about the impact coming out will have on your friendship, TGIF, but have you given any thought to the impact not coming out is having on your friendship?

Every interaction you have with your roommate/crush—at least every interaction you have with a tube of Icy Hot in your hands—puts you in an incredibly awkward, incredibly fraught, incredibly uncomfortable position. Because you haven't risked being honest with your roommate, TGIF, she asks you to do things for her that she might not otherwise and parades around naked and you can't relax and enjoy these interactions on any level. While all of this is titillating in the abstract, in reality it just creates stress. Because every time it happens—the Icy Hot, the showers, the underwear—you have to worry about how she's going to react when you do finally tell her or she finally figures out. Maybe she'll be fine with it... but there's a very real chance she'll feel violated, TGIF, a very real chance she'll feel betrayed, and the more times you've rubbed Icy Hot into the small of her back, or the more times she's strolled around in front of you naked, the potentially greater her feelings of violation and betrayal.

So tell her, tell her now, apologize for not telling her sooner. This is a time in your life—junior year in college—when you can legitimately pin your failure to come out sooner on your age. You don't have to tell her how long you've known your bi, or how long you've had feelings for her, but you do have to tell her you have feelings for her.

And here's hoping—fingers crossed—that she feels the same way about you, TGIF, and the Icy Hot was a hint.