I am a 22-year-old female. I go to a tiny university—really tiny, about 500 people, on a small campus. There is this guy I've had a crush on for a little while we're friendish, meaning we talk and I sit with him and his friends when the people I live with aren't at the cafeteria.

Last weekend I went out to the campus bar. I was dancing with friends who are also friends with this guy. So he was dancing with us. Then he and I ended up dancing together and making out on the dance floor. At the end of a song he looked at me and says, "One minute," then goes over and talks to some of his friends. I ended dancing with some of my other friends on the very small dance floor because the other people I was dancing with had left the bar. And that is all that happened. There was not even eye contact after that. Now I see him everyday at the cafeteria and it's very awkward. We are both awkward. I have been talking to some of my friends who are on campus but most of them have no advice for me. I'm hoping that getting advice from someone uninvolved who may say something I don't want to hear is a good idea. I am also contemplating sending him the following FB message:

I don't know if you feel as awkward since Saturday night as I do. I feel that the only options I have are as follows;

1. To say nothing and to continue have an awkwardness between us.
2. To ignore the awkwardness and say nothing
3. To confront the awkwardness and talk about it.

I don't know how you feel but I would prefer that we talk about it and clarify the situation. I will be at the lighthouse from 2:00 - 3:00 PM, Friday afternoon so we can talk. If I do not receive a response, I will still be there. I hope to see you there.

Help, Dan, please.

Confused In Canada

My response after the jump...


I'm impressed by that proposed Facebook message, CIC. In a few short lines you managed to invoke middle-school note-passing games ("Do you like me? check yes or no!"), Cold War espionage ("Your handler vill vait at ze predetermined location for one hour only..."), and Romance fiction ("They consecrated their love at the windswept lighthouse as waves crashed against the rocks..."). That's a neat trick.

But you shouldn't send the note, CIC, because you're a 22-year-old college student and not...

1. A middle school student
2. A Stasi double agent
3. A heroine in a Romance novel.

Also, options 1 and 2 are basically identical. If you say nothing, as proposed in options 1 and 2, the awkwardness you're experiencing will continue and you'll both have to go on ignoring it, right? And option 3 isn't exactly enticing: "Meet me at the lighthouse for a confrontation." Seriously, CIC, your proposed second move—after making out with this boy on the dance floor—is a confrontation and a long talk about your feelings?

And where's the option that tells him how you really feel? You like this boy. Your note makes it sound like you're preparing to bring him up on charges of sexual misconduct.

No, no, no, CIC, you're going about this all wrong. Dating is fun! Making out is fun! Sex is fun! So here's the note you're going to send this boy:

"Your 1 minute is up."

And follow that note—don't wait for a response—with this one: "I had a blast on Saturday night and I would love to do that again on a dance floor or someplace with more privacy—the lighthouse? Friday? 3 PM?—because I've had a secret crush on you for a long time. But if you're not interested, [his name here], just say so and we can pick up our platonic friendship where it left off. Thanks for a great night!"

What's the worst that could happen? He could write back and tell you that he's not interested. And, yes, the note I want you to send basically invites him to do just that. But an honest and quick rejection will be less painful than the one you're setting yourself up for now, i.e. one with secret meetings and confrontations and, if he's not interested in you, a long and painful discussion during which he feels somehow obligated to justify his lack of interest. Do you really want to hear, in great and unnecessary detail, just why he isn't interested in you?

No, CIC, you don't. So why put yourself through that? Just ask him if his tongue wants another shot at your throat and if the answer's yes—and it could very well be yes—go make out with the boy.