Due to pressing "reporting last week's news" demands, I was unable to attend last night's Everything is Terrible! show at Central Cinema. I imagine we'll soon be getting a full report on the night from the suggestible Matthew Cooke, but for now I will reiterate my regret and share but one of the delights available on the EIT! site, in which Jay Leno's 1989 cop comedy Collision Course is boiled down to three ridiculous, racially insensitive minutes.

Please, Jay Leno, don't stir-fry my face.