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I'm in Grand Forks, North Dakota, all day today (and all night tonight), which explains my near-total absence today from Slog. (Such a bad day to be offline—I mean, could this be any more delicious?) It's a balmy 30 degrees outside so I took a cab from my inconveniently located hotel and headed to to downtown Grand Forks—which was almost entirely destroyed by a flood in 1997—for a walk. East Grand Forks, Minnesota, is right across the bridge from Grand Forks, North Dakota, and here's the first thing you see as you enter Minnesota...

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Thanks for the heads up, Minnesota.

Someone up there must have been looking out me because on my brief stroll I managed to stumble over everything I ever wanted: lunch, chocolate covered potato chips, and porn. More photos after the jump.

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This is where I had lunch. The very nice, very buff, very bearded, very home-brewin' Kaylen made the soup. It was delicious. I recommend it. If you're ever in Grand Forks, go to Amazing Grains and tell them I sent ya. But hands off Kaylen: I'm saving him for a friend.

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This is a famous old Grand Forks chocolate shop that rebuilt in its original location after the flood. It's very, very pink inside. The chocolate covered potato chips were delicious.

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These are my crosses to bear... on my hips! (Sorry—there's a collection of Cathy comics on the bookshelf in the lobby of my hotel.) No doubt Grand Forks old and famous and beloved chocolate shop was thrilled when the adult bookstore opened next door...

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Lots of pink in there too. And very romantix.

This detail might interest New Hampshire state representative Nancy Elliot: Romantix has a gay section—which is probably why God sent that flood in 1997 (the store hadn't opened yet but He's omniscient and saw it coming)—and it also has an anal section. Now if only homosexuals have anal sex, if only homos put their penises in rectums and wiggle them around in feces, Romantix wouldn't have an anal section and a gay section. The gay section would be the anal section and vice-versa, right?

I wanted to take a picture of the anal section to send to Nancy Elliot—there were only women on the covers of the DVDs in the anal section—but the clerk asked me to put my phone away. But I did manage to get a picture of this blow-up-doll-of-size:

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Um... is Fatty Patty good or bad for the fat-acceptance movement? Almost all blow-up dolls are skinny little air-filled bitches—see the dolls to Patty's right—who only serve to reinforce prevailing cultural biases about what is and is not attractive. Does Fatty Patty and her "Colossal 3 Love Holes!" open minds while advancing the cause of sexy-at-every-size cause? Or does the copy on the box ("Now That's a Big Bitch!") negate any good that Patty for her plus-sized, blow-up sisters?

Discuss.