In the comments on this post, commenter emilythehaikubot wonders...

What does Lindy care more about: murder or poop?

Ho. Ly. Shit. You just blew my mind up, emilythehaikubot. That is the best question in the history of curiosity (in brief: curiosity was invented by Benjamin Franklin in 1735 and originally intended as a cure for rickets).

I mean, there are such compelling arguments on both sides! Like, I definitely spend more time thinking about poop, but i think harder about murder. Okay. Let me think.

POOP: It's hilarious, it comes from buttholes, dinosaurs eat it, it looks like chocolate but instead it is the worst, it's poop, it's hilarious, ha ha ha poop.

MURDER: It's terrifying, it's the most interesting thing ever, look at this lady's face, sometimes animals are the murderer, you're alive and then you're not alive and somebody else did it to you on purpose, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm still undecided. This is like asking me to choose between my children. What about you guys? Who's your favorite child? Murder or poop? MURDER OR POOP!?

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I have to go lie down.