Dragon.jpg

I liked it, or something:

Being, myself, made up of 75 percent pure, glorious Viking stock*, I can totally relate to DreamWorks' new animated Viking saga How to Train Your Dragon 3D. I remember growing up in the Viking village: pillaging rapaciously, raping pillagiously, riding a dragon, braiding dried lizards into my father's beard, playin' runestone Yahtzee atop the mounds of my ancestors, drinking pony urine out of a human skull. It was a simpler time.

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* Seriously, I got my stock tested at Planned Parenthood (all they need is a few clumps of hair!)—the rest is 10 percent Austrian, 7 percent Canadian, 5 percent pork rind, and 3 percent gin.

Read the whole "review" HERE.