So... we know what the ultimate betrayal is: your husband cheating on you with Nazi strippers and the whole thing blowing up eleven seconds after you win an Oscar. But now I'm wondering what the penultimate betrayal might look like. Here's what I don't understand about fat Kirstie Alley and her fat thetans: why doesn't someone advise fat Kirstie and her fat thetans to embrace Kirstie's mid-middle-age weight like Shelley Winters did—Winters won two Oscars (and was nominated four times!)—and go for the big girl roles?

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