39 Dead, Many Wounded: Putin vows to catch the terrorists behind the twin suicide subway bombings.

Finally: After 16 years of work, the Large Hadron Collider has begun to collide subatomic particles.

Finally, Part II: Today Obama wraps up his initial health care reform by signing a package of changes to the newly enacted bill.

And While He Has the Pen Out: Today Obama will also sign an overhaul of the student loan industry.

But They Are Fucking Crazy: The Michigan group charged with plotting to kill police officers are said to be neither a Christian nor militia group.

Speaking of Cop Killers: "The inquest into the police shooting of Maurice Clemmons will be held April 5."

Sad Gets Sadder: "An anti-bullying consultant says school officials in western Massachusetts didn't follow all the advice she gave them months before a harassed freshman girl committed suicide."

Way to Live Up to the Rest of the World's Expectations of the South, Asshole: Tennessee man pleads guilty in plot to kill Obama.

H1N1 Still Exists: And cases of the flu are spiking in Georgia and other areas of the Southeast.

What the FUCK?!: Apparently middle school students in Federal Way are lighting themselves on fire with Axe Body Spray.

What the Fuck, Part II: A Virginia woman pretended to be an FBI agent and hired her neighbors as assistants.

Eat Up: Small, dark chocolate easter eggs are good for you!

Yet, It's Sold Out: Consumers Grumpy tech bloggers are still not impressed with the iPad.

Hot Pockets are now even weirder! Now they literally look like microwaveable baby butts: