Too horrific to put a joke here: The President of Poland, his wife, and several top military officers killed in plane crash. 89 people are confirmed dead.
So much for "clean coal": After four days, rescue workers in West Virginia have failed to find any survivors of the mine explosion, making the final count 29 dead.
For once, a Red Shirt survives past the first commercial break: Unrest continues in Thailand, with nine people killed and 300 injured as soldiers attempt to disperse protesters:
Because punitive damages help the grieving process: Widows and a sister of three of the four slain Lakewood police offers decide to drop their $182 million wrongful death lawsuit against county officials after public backlash deems them greedy.
Still probably cheaper than corn subsidies: State audit finds that blackmouth salmon hatchery program ends up costing $768 per caught fish.
For you evolution deniers, that's 5,999 years old: Well-preserved hominid skull of newly discovered species of Australopithecus is approximately 1.9 million years old.
I think their mail-order brides are still up for grabs, though: After American mother "returns" her 7-year old Russian adoptee by putting him on a plane to Moscow by himself, Russia places moratorium on adoptions of children by Americans until more safeguards can be put in place.
Yay! We're all rich again and everything is fine: Dow briefly hits 11,000 on Friday, a number not reached since September 2008 and a possible sign of economic recovery.
Government agency allegedly had conflicting goals and was poorly managed: Final day of Congressional panel hearings on mortgage meltdown and the collapse of Fannie Mae results in lots of finger-pointing and no clear culprit.
Perhaps this will get resolved before I have to learn to pronounce Kyrgyzstan: Interim government offers President of Kyrgyzstan safe exile if he'll step down willingly.
Every child deserves a husband old enough to be her father: Death of 12-year old Yemini bride from internal bleeding following intercourse with her new husband spurs outrage that Yemeni lawmakers still haven't set a minimum age for marriage.
Apparently they don't forget OR forgive: An elephant kills its trainer at Pennsylvania circus after becoming startled.
But you should see how much the cartridges cost: Inkjet-like device that can "print" new cells onto burn wounds and alleviate the need for skin grafts will seek FDA approval for human testing after success with mice.