This is a response to "Hostess with the Menses." Just a few more thoughts about the issue of sex-chez-moi: An out of town friend often stayed with me (and other friends) when she wanted to come to the city. It was all good until she started dating a loser who was 10 years her junior. My previously cool mid-thirties friend reverted to teenage behaviour. She developed a sneaky habit of asking to stay for the weekend, and then after a few glasses of wine it would be: "Oh, Idiot has no plans tonight, can he come round for a drink?" You'd feel too rude to say no. This would end with both of them getting shitfaced and then, inevitably, "Can he stay over? He won't manage a taxi."

The last straw was the time she visited me with her eight-year-old daughter. The same thing happened—but to top it off, she shagged him with her daughter sleeping in the same room. The next morning I was pissed off, but but as not pissed off as when she snuck off for another round of (noisy) nookie after I'd made her coffee, leaving me to babysit. We fell out badly. It took several years before made up. She had calmed down by then, and had well and truly dumped him too or else I wouldn't have gone there. I also realised that some people do really stupid things when they're infatuated. But I don't think I'll ever invite her to stay again, just in case, because I don't think she ever really understood why I was mad.

So I guess what I'm saying is: your friend's house is not a hotel. Do not invite a boyfriend round when you'd been invited as a single guest because you're too cheap to get a room. This is a fast way to lose said friends. If you are already there as a couple and you really need a shag—your friend will understand that you just gotta sometimes—have it quietly and as neatly as possible. (But please, not with kiddies there, even if "they sleep soundly.")

Sleepless Next Door

Thanks for sharing, SND, and in regards to that column: it seems that my laundering advice was pretty lousy. I really should have run that column by the boyfriend, I guess, as he takes care of the laundry chez us. (I do the dishes! It's totally egalitarian!) Better advice from "Savage Love" readers about getting blood out of sheets after the jump...

No, no, no—do not just throw the balled-up sheets and towels into the wash! You will never get the stains out that way. You've got to unfurl, see what's there, and pretreat. Also, blood stains go in cold water; warm or hot water will set them permanently!


In this situation I find even your answer to be inadequate. Any menstruating woman knows and automatically rinses out any panties, sheets, or other things she has bloodied with her menses. Any woman who had an ounce of self respect would have stripped the bed, run cold water in the tub, and at least rinsed the spots on the sheets out. Shampoo in the bathroom? After you've rinsed out as much as you can put a dot of shampoo on the spot on the sheet and scrub with cold water.

Any woman (or couple) who left sheets, towels, or anything in a bloody condition without at least trying to rinse them out would have earned a verbal reprimand from me, regardless of whether they were inhibited or not. No woman, whether she was properly trained by a parent or not, could go through her menstruating life without having the common sense to rinse the damned sheets/towels/etc. out. And if a person would be so unlucky to run into a person with such unspeakably bad manners, well, they would never stay at the host's house again, and that is a fact!

PC ALERT: The lover with the woman, regardless of gender, could do it too. The only exception to these rules is someone too ill to pick up after themselves.


Love your work! I wanted to add to your advice to Hostess With The Menses. As a guy who used to get nose bleeds at night and these days sometimes gets menstral blood on my sheets, I know how to get the bloody mess out. If bloody sheets are washed in cold water, the blood should come right out. However, if the sheets have been washed in hot water first or otherwise exposed to heat, the stain will set and won't be easily removed by subsequent cold water washing.

Mr Clean Sheets