Submitted to I, Anonymous:

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DO NOT DATE THE POLYAMOROUS

Polyamorous people are insane. They have this idea that having more than one partner means magic trust unicorns give you 48 hours in a day! You'll have twice as much energy, twice as much time and attention, and just plain do way more stuff in a day, because you've got LOTS of relationships! Nobody'll ever be ignored or shortchanged, because all these super-evolved folks are just twice as there as everyone else. Settle for half a lover—what the hell, a third, a fifth, and it'll be just as good as having your very own lover! It's magic, they'll tell you.

This is such idiotic bullshit. DO NOT DATE THE POLYAMOROUS. Ever wonder why they all will fuck any damn thing that will hold still long enough? It's because polyfuckery is a giant numbers game and whoever has the most partners wins. Got N partners and your primary has N + 1? You are pulling couch duty baby! Better go hit a club and bring something home unless you want to be a lonely pathetic sneered-at bitch. Just wanted to settle down? Too fuckin' bad, you have to keep up or when the music stops you're left alone.

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Do not get sucked in. They may look cute—oh, there's no risk, of course I'll make plenty of time for you, I LOOOOVE you, you won't have to deal with my jealous, greedy other partners—but they are a bunch of evil, exploitative shopworn predators.

You have been warned. Polyamory is just what it looks like: your date goes home with someone else—or worse TO someone else—when you need them, you are high and dry, and if you're angry or sad about it you can go fuck yourself. That's not allowed.