You know what Slog needs? A baby. Because we're very responsible parents. (Actually, most of us at the Stranger start drinking too early in the morning to raise a dog responsibly, let alone a child.) So instead we need a low-maintenance mascot, and the stork will deliver a trough of them in five business days. This is an approximation of their future home:
Prepare to coo and ooh over your new babies as we collectively delight in their first breaths, photograph their first steps, and adore their whole glorious cycle of life (which, knowing us, won't last long). But don't get your hopes up or anything. I mean, they're only (magical) sea monkeys.