Sometimes people ask me, "Lindy, how do I become a super amazing writer like you?" And to those people I say, "Shut the fuck up, Paul Constant." I'm not trynna give this comedy gold away for free! Unfortunately for me, over on the Stranger Forums (yes, that's a thing), user "jasonatrent" posted an UNAUTHORIZED guide called "How to Write Like Lindy West." And it's pretty goddamn good.

1) Hyperbole. The most hyperbole ever! AWESOME HYPERBOLE LIKE A THOUSAND SUNS, HYPERBOLE!
2) Talk about stuff like stuff is people: If you are writing about a slice of pizza be like, "Little slice of pizza, why are you so greasy and delicious?" If you are writing about war be like, "War, what is your deal? You're all loud and often involve poor people! GET OVER IT!" Rotting corpse arm:"Rotting corpse arm, I will go to the prom with you!"
3) Awesome: awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Awesomeness, awesome, awesome.
4) 'Fuck"

Nicely played, "jasonatrent." But I believe you forgot two very important elements: 1. doodoo, and 2. feces. And there you have it—comprehensive instructions for "How to Write Like Lindy West." So just try it! Put me out of business! Come for me, bitchez!!! Fuuuuuuuck!!!!!