Kleenex* would now like you to believe that you need to replace your bathroom hand towels with paper ones. AT HOME. Because your dirty, dirty hand towels are going to rub diseasey germs onto you! Please commence freaking out!

The "Innovative dispenser delivers one towel at a time"—we're familiar with this paper-towel-delivery technology, actually. And it may be lodged on top of any existing bathroom towel rack, where it will "fit in seamlessly with any decor"—that is, making your bathroom at home 127 percent more like the one at a gas station! Seamlessly!

You will be empowered to pay $2.99 (suggested retail) per box of 60 paper towels over and over, while simultaneously being relieved of the inconvenience of your existing FREE cotton towels. Also: The trees are weeping.

*Kleenex's current tagline is "It feels good to feel."** This is patently false, you monster marketing people at Kleenex—many, many feelings do NOT feel good to feel, and you know it. I hope you're having some bad feelings right now, because you deserve them for spreading hand-towel paranoia and trying to kill more trees.
**This is trademarked, so don't even think about using it for your feeling business.