Yesterday at a friend's party an attractive guy was hitting on me, and while in my head I really wanted to respond, on the outside I actually did everything to show him I wasn't interested: I avoided looking at him, mumbled incoherently and paid way too much attention to other people around us. I could hardly force myself to smile at him. Naturally he soon gave up and in the end left with another girl. I was crushed. I probably should mention that I haven't been on a date for about four years (I'm 22). My social circle is pretty narrow and I don't get hit on too often. No, make that I don't get hit on, period. Why did this happen? Is this common? How do I prevent this from happening again?

Socially Awkward Dumbass

My short response—along with SAD's response to my response, an email communicating Sad's annoyance at my failure to respond to her response to my response, my belated response to her response to my response, and... la la la... all after the jump.

so what were you afraid of?

dan

Thank you for replying! I guess I was afraid that once I actually opened my mouth he would see me for the freak I am and would no longer want to have anything to do with me. Which pretty much happened anyway, except I didn't have to open my mouth... And also that he, or anyone else, would see that I was attracted to him. I just can't seem to get over this hangup, that it's kind of normal to be attracted to people.

SAD

so... ahem... no useful advice for me? :(

SAD

I didn't think you needed any, SAD. It seemed to me like you pretty much nailed the problem in your response to my question. Your fear of rejection lead you to behave in such a way that rejection was ensured—and self-inclicted. So you know what the problem is.

Now all you have to do is will yourself to get over it. Give yourself permission to flirt, to be attracted to people, and—and this is hugely important—to get shot down if and when that attraction isn't returned. As for what other people might think, well, they're only going to think that you're a person with desires and needs JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

xo
Dan

Thank you, Dan! I guess I really needed to hear that. Maybe I should print this out and carry it around with me when I go to parties as a reminder. You're the best. :D

SAD