Dan, my question for you involves porn. I'm a 23-year-old female living with my boyfriend of a few months. Without going into too much detail, let's say I found his porn stash (computer, internet, pictures, drawings, etc.) in various places. Finding one stash only led me to look further to find more. All I have to say is DAMN! Not only was what he was looking at so completely unrealistic and ridiculous, but the sheer size of his collection made me physically ill and continues to do so. Upon bringing this to his attention, he got defensive and hid it better—that's all. Bear in mind that I milk this man to kingdom come and he still finds time to download, hide, and pleasure himself meanwhile I give it my all sexually, being the GGG person I am. I feel inadequate and undesirable because of this. It's something that plagues me throughout the day since I found it months ago and the evidence just keeps piling up. I understand that men like and love porn, but when the magnitude of it is this high and I am severely distressed by this, I think something needs to change, am I wrong? I can't stop thinking about this and it only creates a rift in our relationship. Any advice you have is greatyl appreciated.

Porn Only Reinforces Negativity

My response—and PORN's response to my response, and my response to her response to my response, etc.—after the jump...

so what would be an acceptable amount of porn for him to download and hide?—Dan

Anything less than the hundreds of each pictures, videos, and at least 200 pictures he's drawn. I think that's exessive.—PORN

Does he neglect you sexually in any way? Does he steal time away from you to spend assembling his porn collection? Is he slipping away to jerk off when he should be with you? are you sexually neglected in any way?—Dan

He satisfies me and I'm not neglected. I should've also mentioned that he is doing this while I am at work and he is supposed to be looking for a job while he's living off me. I would call that "stealing time." That said, I suppose he doesn't skulk off while he should be with me but that's only because we're together so often. I'm the girlfriend and I think my needs come before his internet bimbos.—PORN

Well, that's a different issue—if he's treating porn like it's his job, if he's pouring time into this when he should be out looking for work, then you have a completely legit complaint.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is a bit compulsive about porn—and perhaps your disapproval is useful, i.e. maybe it will help him cut back and he'll spend a more reasonable amount of time on porn consumption/collecting. If he can do that, while continuing to meet your sexual needs, and if he doesn't neglect you emotionally or socially, you may have to/want to turn a blind eye to his porn collection and internet bimbos. You should, however, make it clear to him that your tolerance for this "hobby" of his is entirely contingent upon his finding a JOB already.

And, yes, your needs should always come before his Internet bimbos... unless you define your needs in such a way that no Internet bimbos are allowed. That's not realistic.—Dan