I Am Not Interested in Your Product. Please Unsubscribe Me from Your Newsletter. Fourty-four dead so far in search for Doodoo Coke.

No, It's Not a Sweatshop—It's a Dead Chinese People Factory. Apple, Dell, and HP investigate a series of suicides at Taiwanese electronics factory. "Since the beginning of the year, nine people have killed themselves and two others were seriously injured in suicide attempts at the factory that employs 450,000 workers."

Suuure, "120 Million Miles." Everyone Knows that Space is a Hoax Perpetuated by the CIA to Keep Sheeple from Looking at What's Really in the Sky (Dragons!). Space shuttle Atlantis returns from (probably) its final mission. "While there are no official plans to actually launch Atlantis, NASA managers are seeking permission from the Obama administration to send the shuttle back up on one final space station resupply mission. Using a crew of four, NASA could avoid the need for a shuttle rescue vehicle, relying on the space station for safe haven and Russian Soyuz spacecraft for the crew’s eventual return to Earth if a major problem stranded Atlantis in space."

Full Disclosure: Oily Dolphin Burgers are the State Food of Massachusetts. Senator John Kerry says we certainly will NOT stop offshore drilling. Certainly not! Certainly not! "Now we are not going to stop drilling in the Gulf tomorrow, folks. Let’s be realistic. There are 48,000 wells out there. One of them went sour. About 30 percent of our transportation fuel comes from the Gulf. You think Americans are going to suddenly stop driving to work tomorrow? Do you think people are going to stop driving the trucks to deliver the goods to the department stores? Not going to happen."

It's Like Kim Cattrall's Vagina Out Here! National Weather Service predicts a dry and sandy weekend crawling with middle-aged dicks and giant land crabs.

Kim Cattrall Is a Libidinous Old Woman Who Never Stops Talking About Her Vagina. In other news, Latino people and racist white people disagree. "While 68 percent of Latinos believe that immigration strengthens the United States, just 43 percent of whites think that."

But You Sure Put a Racist Bone in that Nazi Prostitute's Body! Jesse James tells Nightline, "There's not a racist bone in my body." Also, as soon as they got their black baby delivered, "I found a new trust for her, like I knew she wasn't going to leave, and our relationship blossomed." (See? He was insecure! It's all Sandra's fault!)

"Why Does That Tina Fey Lady Want That Electromagnetic Map of the Island?" This is the most satisfying/unsatisfying video I've ever seen. Required viewing. Man, fuck a Lost (season 1, I still love you, girl).

And possibly my favorite James Franco acting lesson of all: