I am a long time reader who absolutely loves your column, and the advice which you give so openly. At this point in my life, I could really use your help.
I have been married for almost five years now, and am extremely happy with my wife in every way. Except for one thing. We never have sex. I knew this was a problem before we got married, but she promised it would get better once the vows were said. She has grown up as a Catholic and still practices her faith often. I used to weigh a lot more and often wondered if that was the cause. After losing weight (50lbs), she still never wants to talk about sex, much less have it. Since the weight loss, other men and women have taken a lot of notice. I recently had a close female companion admit she had feelings for me, and the feelings were mutual. However, I did not cheat on my wife because that is the right thing to do. I am wondering if I should ask my wife if an open relationship is okay, or if we should go to counseling. I have frequented this subject lately, but she clams up every time. I wonder if the Catholic guilt is also a factor, or how most American women are socialized to sex(seeing it as wrong to have pleasure). I want to stay with this beautiful woman and be a faithful husband, but I worry about future interactions with people I am attracted to. I am open to any advice or suggestions you may have.
Sexless Marriage Is Lacking Enjoyment
My response after the jump...
Catholic, smatholic. Your wife is a lesbian—or might as well be.
Fuck other women, as many as you want, as often as you want. And since you're not depriving your wife of anything she wants, SMILE, there's no need to view the sex you'll soon be having outside of marriage as "cheating." If anyone is cheating anyone here, SMILE, your wife is cheating you. She cheated you out of the sex life she promised you. All you're obligated to do now is tell your wife that you're not going to pester her about sex anymore because you'll be getting your sexual needs met elsewhere. Discreetly. If she suggests counseling, politely decline. At counseling sessions you'll be told, over and over again, that you're the problem, that you're doing this, that, or the other wrong. Then, after working on this, that, or the other, you'll be told at a subsequent counseling session that you're doing other things wrong. With the help of a good counselor your wife will never run out of things you're doing wrong.
Fuck that. Your wife isn't interested in sex. She wasn't before she married you, she isn't now, she won't be ever. Not with you, maybe not with anyone. Stay married to this beautiful woman, be emotionally and financially faithful to her, but go right ahead and fuck other beautiful women when opportunities present themselves.
And people? A person who isn't interested in having sex with you before marriage isn't going to suddenly develop a burning desire to inhale your cock/ingest your pussy after marriage. Please make a note of it.