I Hate You on Your Cat's Behalf
This poor animal was "owned" by some vapid hipster living in or around my building last year. She was one of those "oh, the cat wants to go outside, he NEEDS it" sort of shitheads that basically housed her poor tabby outside all the time. The poor cat sought shelter on our porch for over a year, and inevitably got hit by a car, brought to my door by a good samaritan at 2 a.m. with a mangled leg and who knows what else. I was all ready to take him inside, house him safely in our bathroom away from our other territorial beasts until the morning, but being the unloved feline that he was, he screamed and clawed his way out of his finder's arms to run off into the night.
The next morning Miss Skinnyjeans trudged this poor cat back from the vet, no doubt with a hefty bill, grumbling and pissing all the way. You decided to have a pet, and then take no real care of it, I honestly found it confusing that you would bother to get him to the vet instead of simply surrendering him to someone who could give him a good home?
So the moron girl moved away, good riddance, but apparently "donated" her poor cat to you, unknown asshole. During the shittiest months of winter I had to hear this poor animal waul outside our apartment— outside his own home—during deluges of freezing rain and so much more. I tried in vain to capture him many times, and succeeded once, just to take him to the local shelter where I was sure he would sit out his stray hold and be adopted by some deserving person(s). But no, I went back to check on him and lo and behold, you had apparently come flying in, frantic about your missing cat. I seriously do not understand you—you let this poor animal be subject to the elements 365 days a year but the moment he's not around suddenly you're a caring cat parent? What in the godliving fuck???
It's now another cold, rainy spring day in Seattle, and this poor stump-tailed tabby boy is wandering around my porch, wailing at me and I feel like can't do anything. Be warned, you loveless piece of shit, the next time I get my hands on that cat he's going a shelter far, far away where you won't find him and he will find the home he deserves.
So...what we have here is a lady (can there be any doubt the author is female?) whose ideas about cat-rearing are so intractable she kidnapped her neighbors' cat and handed it over to a shelter, and is threatening to do it again. Also, there is no evidence that this cat wants to be rescued. (Offered shelter in the lady's home for a night, the cat bolted, and apparently continues to elude all rescue attempts by its would-be savior.)
Lady: Get a shrink.
Cat: Get a restraining order.