I have a bit of a dilemma: my ex is requesting that I replace his bed as I ejaculated on it ( or "pissed it" as he is saying), staining the mattress. Apparently there was an "unbearable" smell he could not stand that came about recently due to the high heat and humidity where he now lives, and my ex felt the need to replace the mattress. I have a problem with this on a few accounts.

I am not sure that this "stench" is entirely or at all mine. My ex has a cat who has peed on items of furniture in the past. The cat ruined a sweater of mine by urinating on it. How am I be sure that the smell in question is not from the cat? I have been ejaculating for years now, and have come on my own bed at various times, but I have never had a problem with smell. I have never had any other lover complain about a smell or stain that an ill prepared for ejaculation caused. Many of my ex's are my friends, and I know they would have told me if this were the case.

I had warned my ex before we had sex that I, a female, was capable of ejaculation. I did not ejaculate the first couple of times we had sex, and the first time, I did warn my ex before I came. There was opportunity to stop/grab a towel then, however my ex did not stop and I "made a mess." My ex then caused me to ejaculate countless times during our relationship, and he seemed to enjoy every second of it. He never complained about the mess/smell during all the time we were sleeping together.

The ex in question and I do not have any contact with each other now. In fact, we live in different cities on other sides of the country. We have friends in common however. We have not seen each other for almost 5 months now. The incidents in question—the ejaculations—all took place more than 9 months ago.

Should I have to pay for the replacement of this mattress? I might have been open to paying half but considering how communications went the last time we talked, and how negative my ex was towards me, I don't feel any obligation towards him at all.

Should I Soak It Up

My response after the jump...

I don't want you to pay for your ex's new mattress—and I'll bet your ex doesn't want you to pay for his new mattress either.

What's really going on here, SISIU, is this: your ex's out-of-the-blue request for mattress reparations is an attempt on his part, conscious or not, to sever all communications with you. He's picking a fight, one that he knows he's going to lose (because it's sopping wet bullshit), so that he'll have an excuse to stop speaking to you and an excuse to slag you off to your mutual friends. Hence the mattress ask.

Even it was your allegedly ranky, stanky, janky lady come that ruined your ex's old mattress, SISIU, you're under no obligation to replace it. When an adult invites another adult into his bed, he is or should be aware that sexual activity frequently leads to stained sheets and pillowcases, the occasional soaked mattress, and, every once in a great while/time, a completely and thoroughly and utterly destroyed bed frame. A person unwilling to eat those losses should fuck on the floor, fuck outside, or fuck at his partner's place.

Seeing as your ex should have been aware of the general risk sexual activity posed to his mattress, and seeing as you acquainted him with the specific risks you posed to his mattress, the responsibility and the liability are entirely his. Fuck him.