So at first I thought this shitty day was going to be the shittiest day in the history of this shitty world. (Yes, I'm STILL hung over from the Mercury's 10th B-day party... so fucking what?!?) But then, THIS happened!
A new clip from Twilight: Eclipse, ya'll!!



Ooh, look at Edward! He looks so constipated! And Jacob! He looks constipated, too! I'm not sure about Bella, though... something's bothering her. Maybe her vagina hurts? Maybe it hurts from too much ennui? Quick! Take a motorcycle ride with Jacob! It's like motorized Vagisil!

Support The Stranger

Anyhoo, while that clip alone was enough to set me back on the path of righteousness, it was this next find that permanently cured my current and next three hangovers: JUSTIN BIEBER SHAKING HANDS WITH A PUPPY, YA'LL!!

beiberpuppy.jpg

There's a reason Justin Bieber will never appear in the Twilight films. The world can only handle so much "awesome."