On June 1, a man was assaulted and robbed after enjoying a late-night fire with friends in West Seattle's Lincoln Park. The assault occurred at approximately 3:30 a.m., according to the filed police report. It was late, the good times were over, and so the man stayed behind alone to put out the fire, while his friends, not following the buddy system, went ahead without him. (Cue creepy music.) While leaving the park, the report states the man was stopped by "two to three large men" who asked if he had any bus money. You know, that 3:30 a.m. bus people like to catch. The man replied that he didn't have any money (lie! lie!) and the suspects allegedly moved in and began patting him down, searching for his wallet.

According to the report, the victim ordered them to stop. Instead, one of the large men allegedly punched the victim in the left side of his head, knocking him unconscious. When he awoke, his wallet was out of his pocket, but was luckily still attached by a large chain. (A reminder that bad 90's throw-back or not, wallet chains do serve a purpose.) The victim reported that all of his credit cards were still accounted for but about $5 to $6 cash was missing; Exactly enough bus fare for two to three large men.

The victim called his friend, who drove him to a medical center for the deep laceration on his scalp. According to the report, the victim didn't know the suspects and couldn't describe them other than they were in their mid to late 20's and "one was wearing a dark jacket." Hmmm, helpful, especially that last part. The victim also thought the suspects may have been armed with brass knuckles.

The suspects are still at large. God help us all when their transfers expire.