I mean, I just don't know what to make of this story anymore. A now-famous gay couple in Malawi was arrested in an engagement ceremony, jailed, convicted of having some gay love times, sentenced to 14 years in prison, and then pardoned. But now one half of that pair has an announcement:

Monjeza has found a woman, Dorothy Gulo, 24, to marry and claims he was forced into the ‘gay drama’. The man has said he will expose the people that allegedly forced him into the gay act if they continue to pester him.

And this:

They forcefully picked me from my house in Kameza when I was drunk. They bundled me into their car and said they were taking me for a drink. Indeed, I was treated to a drinking orgy throughout the journey but no one revealed where we were going until I reached a house in Lilongwe to find Tiwo. He told me that there are many countries willing to take us but I told him I was not interested and would not go.

This can't be real—like he's not actually a straight man—right? He's just afraid for his life so he's renouncing his relationship and denouncing gayness, we can only guess. Because there isn't really a gay wedding mafia that scoops up heterosexuals and shoves champagne into their hands, is there?