There is now a copy of Love at First Bite, the unofficial Twilight cook book, on my desk. If you are not familiar with the Twilight series, it's basically about co-dependent vampires with strong Mormon values who hate dogs. The books make tweenaged girls squeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!!

I have no idea why this series warrants its own cookbook. Vampires don't eat food. I do know that my desk is where bad books come to die.

The first recipe in this cookbook is called "Charlie's Fried Eggs." It involves two eggs, one tablespoon butter, and salt and pepper to taste. I won't divulge what you must do with those three ingredients to make "Charlie's Fried Eggs;" you'll have to pay $14.95 for that privilege.

Love at First Bite has passed the flip test. It's now sitting on the corner of my desk with all the others. Paul Constant (our books editor) gives me most of these books to review—they come in the mail for him. I once told Paul that no book deserves to be burned; he's testing my resolve, I think. I won't read these books and I can't burn them so my current plan is to keep acquiring them until I've completely walled myself off from the rest of the office. Then I might just have to drive a bullet into my brain, using a hammer.