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...Please direct your attention to Dan Savage's contribution to the Stranger's music section this week, Kill Me Now—A Musical-Theater Queen Listens to the Billboard Top 10:

1. "California Gurls" by Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg

It's hard to believe—the news being what it is right now—that this is the number one song in the country. It opens with Ms. Perry, whom I've never heard of (no surprise there), informing us that she knows a place "where there's something in the water."

Wait, let me guess: Is it oil? Burning rigs? Dead pelicans?

Nope. The song is about Southern California, not the Gulf Coast—yes, it's another wish-they-all-could-be homage-off to the state where the "girls wear Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top" and have "sex on the beach" with "their butts hanging out."

The white girl sings, the music producer equalizes, the Snoop Dogg raps, the inevitable Auto-Tune Auto-Tunes, and I sit here wishing I hadn't agreed to do this.

Nine more songs to get through. Holy Christ.

Those nine more songs HERE.