As you may know, I signed up last week for Beck University. (Here is the report on the first class.) As with any university, Glenn Beck University costs money. Unlike most liberal elite universities, Glenn Beck University only costs $9.95 a month! This is a bargain. I put it on my credit card last Tuesday evening.

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Then, last Wednesday, just three or four hours after I enrolled at Glenn Beck University, my credit card number was stolen. Someone tried to charge $6000 on my card to a Russian auto-parts website. They must not have known I am a journalist; the charge was summarily declined by the credit card company. Then they tried to charge $2000 to the same website. The numbers kept decreasing until finally they managed to get a $161 charge approved. They tried a few more times to no avail, and then the good people at Visa finally realized something fishy was going on and stopped the charge.

The money has been refunded to me, and I have received a new card, but I noticed something strange: Visa said they couldn't tell me who had stolen my credit card number. While it's true I was in Iceland a few weeks ago and foreign travel is a big source of credit card fraud, the timing on this Glenn Beck University charge is too coincidental not to consider: Did Glenn Beck steal my credit card number and give (or sell) it to the Russians? I'm just asking questions, here.

Let's look at the facts: Russians are socialists. Glenn Beck hates socialists. So who would ever expect a power-mad Glenn Beck to work with the Russians? Exactly! Nobody would expect Glenn Beck to work with the Russians, which means that it's exactly what someone with something to hide would do. If Glenn Beck was stealing credit card numbers—and I'm not saying that he did, I'm just asking questions—he might have something to hide. Cogito ergo sum!

But it gets even weirder than that, friends. If somebody somehow proved that Glenn Beck is colluding with the Stalinists—and again, there is no proof that Glenn Beck stole my credit card number or colluded with Stalinists, but it's important to note that he has not denied any of these allegations (just as it is important to note that I have not asked him about these allegations)—the implications get really heavy. Do you know who else colluded with the Stalinists? There's a little something they don't teach you about in your liberal elite universities: It's called The Non-Aggression Pact of 1939, and it was a deal between Stalin and a funny-mustached dictator who goes by the name of...wait for it...Adolf Hitler. This means that if Glenn Beck stole my credit card—hypothetically speaking—he would probably be using it to fund some sort of Fourth Reich!

I'm sorry. Hold on a second. I've just got something in my eye, here. Let me get a tissue. Oh, God. I just...I just love my credit card so much.

I'm not saying that these are facts. I just like to ask questions. If anyone can prove that Glenn Beck didn't steal my credit card, I would praise them as a hero. If Glenn Beck denied these charges (and again, I have not personally asked him about these charges), I would believe him. But the fact that he has not addressed these charges—that he has not even acknowledged that these charges exist—could be seen by some as suspicious. Here is a chalkboard with some facts on it:

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You decide, America. Glenn Beck: The ball is in your court.

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