Last week's heat wave has subsided, which leaves spontaneous combustion as the obvious explanation for the strange fires engulfing Seattle. West Seattle Blog reports on a morning fire that left two cars burnt and charred near Fairmount Park. THE FIRE DEPARTMENT CALLS THE FIRES ACCIDENTAL, the result of wires rubbing against some cleaning supplies stored in one of the trunks. I call bullshit. This smells like the work of spontaneous combustion.

Support The Stranger

Forget fireworks Faisal, this is what cleaning supplies can do
  • West Seattle Blog
  • Forget fireworks Faisal, this is what cleaning supplies can do

This mysterious blaze comes only days after passersby in Bellevue witnessed (and subsequently extinguished) a man on fire. The Bellevue Reporter writes that the man, believed to be in his 40's, was found barbecuing alone Saturday evening on 36th street. Witnesses were quick to put out his flames, however, he died hours after being brought to the hospital. The Seattle Times quotes the Bellevue Fire Department as saying they have "no idea of the circumstances" that led to the fire. Witnesses in the Bellevue Reporter's story say they saw people douse the victim with a substance that "appeared to be water" before speeding away. Again, I call bullshit. This is clearly the work of spontaneous combustion, not water. I will also admit to the possibility that participants in last week's "Fire Festival" held at Occidental Park offered insufficient sacrifices to please The Gods (the festival featured an "inflatable bouncy toy for kids" instead of standard goat's blood). Perhaps Seattle residents are now paying the collective price.

Not to be outdone by the Gods or spontaneity, the Seattle Police Department has been doing some combustion work of their own. Capitol Hill Seattle reported Monday that the SPD Bomb Squad blew up a suspicious looking bag found in Volunteer Park by a park employee. The bag was reportedly full of suspicious looking wires that were ultimately deemed harmless. The police detained and questioned a man in the park during the incident. The man's remote control car was seized (and its trunk promptly examined for toy-sized cleaning supplies). None were found. The man was then arrested on an unrelated charge.