In today's episode of Top Secret America (yesterday's here), the Washington Post reveals that many secret government agency workers aren't government workers at all—they're private contractors. It's a system described as a "self-licking ice cream cone": private companies woo the government for expensive contracts, private contractors gain experience with secret government business, then private companies hire them away with even better private sector offers.

Now, government agencies have been tasked with replacing some of these private contractors with federal positions, but they're finding it difficult to accomplish for a host of reasons.

Via the Washington Post.

Contractors kill enemy fighters. They spy on foreign governments and eavesdrop on terrorist networks. They help craft war plans. They gather information on local factions in war zones. They are the historians, the architects, the recruiters in the nation's most secretive agencies. They staff watch centers across the Washington area. They are among the most trusted advisers to the four-star generals leading the nation's wars...

...Making it more difficult to replace contractors with federal employees: The government doesn't know how many are on the federal payroll. Gates said he wants to reduce the number of defense contractors by about 13 percent, to pre-9/11 levels, but he's having a hard time even getting a basic head count.

"This is a terrible confession," he said. "I can't get a number on how many contractors work for the Office of the Secretary of Defense," referring to the department's civilian leadership.

Private contractors woo the government with free shoeshines, fruit smoothies, and back rubs in order to earn their secret gov contracts (I am serious). They are found at all levels of secret business. They're even hired on the internet to be fake journalists for the government:

Just last week, typing "top secret" into the search engine of a major jobs Web site showed 1,951 unfilled positions in the Washington area, and 19,759 nationwide: "Target analyst," Reston. "Critical infrastructure specialist," Washington, D.C. "Joint expeditionary team member," Arlington.

...In September 2009, General Dynamics won a $10 million contract from the U.S. Special Operations Command's psychological operations unit to create Web sites to influence foreigners' views of U.S. policy. To do that, the company hired writers, editors and designers to produce a set of daily news sites tailored to five regions of the world. They appear as regular news Web sites, with names such as "SETimes.com: The News and Views of Southeast Europe." The first indication that they are run on behalf of the military comes at the bottom of the home page with the word "Disclaimer." Only by clicking on that do you learn that "the Southeast European Times (SET) is a Web site sponsored by the United States European Command."

Discovering the layers to Top Secret America—with its fake journalists, concealed weapons, and hidden calories—is like cutting into a top-secret cake. (SHHHHHHH!)